To the Editor:

Here is something that might help brighten the season — I wrote it to brighten my own day in a season of uncertainly as to what the future holds.

“TO: All Legal Citizens of the United States

FROM: Your Government

SUBJECT: Undocumented Alien

The DHS anticipates the illegal crossing later this month of an undocumented alien. His purpose is to perpetuate a series of home invasions. His crossing will be airborne. Once here, his movements will be monitored by ICE. His point of departure is reported to be north of Canada where, in fact, he has frequently confronted ICE.

He will be accompanied by a small herd of hoofed quadrupeds, all of which have escaped mandatory quarantine required of such animals. Moreover, he carries with him many items that ignore newly-implemented tariffs.

Unlike most illegals, he is readily identified by his red suit and white beard, which could be part of a disguise. It is undetermined if he is armed and dangerous; indeed, witnesses report he frequently guffaws. If sighted, do not approach him or attempt to apprehend him, but alert authorities. Once captured, he will be arrested and deported with his animals. The confiscated cargo will be auctioned and the proceeds used to build the border wall.”

Ray Sipherd

Echo Valley Road, Newtown         December 5, 2018