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When Violence Challenges Love

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The recent untimely deaths of two Parkland, Fla., youths and that of Avielle Foundation and Brainstorm Experience cofounder Dr Jeremy Richman here in Newtown is a reminder that violence has the patience to wait out the initial grief, that it is willing to stalk those most affected and strike when least expected.

We are reminded that resiliency is tougher than it seems.

While the world spent the past six-plus years patting our community on the back for its strength in the face of the unfathomable horror of 12/14, while young people from Florida cried and rallied, while hundreds of others since December 14, 2012 grappled with ghouls of their own, there were those who remained in the shadow of sorrow.

We can only pretend that we have the answers for those who rise every morning and face another day that is permanently rent. We cannot even begin to understand the depth of grief that one day overwhelms the everyday joys and once again allows the hand of past violence to unfold, reach out, and slap small victories in the face.

The father of Avielle, one of 20 first grade students murdered six years ago at Sandy Hook School, Dr Richman shone as a light from that dark day, weaving positive action out of his pain. Through the creation of The Avielle Foundation, encouraging imagination and community, and through the Brainstorm Experience series that offered insight into the mysteries of the brain and how we mere humans respond to the world around us, Dr Richman’s efforts, and those of his friends and family, provided a means of better understanding human nature.

That we cannot truly understand human nature is evidenced in this loss. As a scientist, Dr Richman sought to find answers based in fact. But the fact remains that human anguish does not always respond to what the head knows as true; the heart responds to depths of feeling that cannot be explained.

As wicked and wily as is violence, though, it will not stand up to the power of love. As the statement issued by The Avielle Foundation notes, while they are “crushed to pieces,” the important work of the two organizations will continue. Dr Richman’s death does not diminish the value of his work, but is a powerful statement of the great need for more understanding, more compassion, more study of brain health that might prevent violence against self and others.

How does the community respond to another loss, so tightly tied to the initial tragedy that popped the bubble of “normalcy” on that December day in 2012? We feel again a sense of innocence robbed from our homes. And once again, we seek to comfort and be comforted.

Newtown psychologist Dr John Woodall notes in commentary shared with the community (see page A11 in this week’s print edition or at newtownbee.com) that there is no shame in the guilt, anger, sorrow that surrounds an unexpected and tragic death. We must be vigilant and attentive to all around us. There is no shame in reaching out for help when feelings overwhelm us, or when we simply need someone to listen.

The Town of Newtown has issued a list of resources for support and assistance.

When we are faced with the reality that even those who dedicate themselves to bettering the world, who work toward a world in which violence is not an acceptable response, can falter, it is difficult to grasp.

Dr Richman may no longer be with us, but we are thankful for the time he spent on this earth, for the knowledge he shared.

Our greatest sympathies are extended to his family and friends.

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