Marriage Equality Bill Moves Forward—

Local Couple Can’t Wait To Say ‘I Do’ For Real

By John Voket

Aimee and Natalia Smith-Wallach are so in love that all they want to do is commit themselves to each other through the ceremony of marriage. Anyone visiting their Newtown home cannot help noticing how the couple, who joined together in civil union in 2005, light up when one or the other enters the room. They talk excitedly about a planned vacation, keeping on top of their schedule with Natalia’s two children, and the rigors of running individual businesses. Aimee operates a commercial insurance firm and Natalia is an attorney.

Thanks to their civil status as a legally recognized couple, Natalia and Aimee both enjoy certain rights and protections here in Connecticut. But what most people do not realize, according to Natalia, is if she or her life partner were to become injured or sick just a few miles from home in New York, the emergency room could legally prevent one from being by the other’s side.

According to Anne Stanback, executive director of Hartford-based Love Makes a Family (LMAF), there is a fundamental and monumental difference between a civil union and marriage.

“Marriage is more than a collection of legal rights — it tells the community that two people love each other and are a family,” Ms Stanback said.

Since everyone understands and respects this, she said, it makes being married “something important, something we aspire to, and something that protects us in daily life as well as times of crisis.”

Love Makes a Family is a statewide coalition of organizations and individuals leading the campaign for marriage equality for same-sex couples in Connecticut. Through the organization’s efforts as well as grassroots support among straight and gay individuals and couples, the state may be on the cusp of passing one of the first marriage equality bills in the United States.

On April 12, the legislature’s Judiciary Committee by a 27–15 vote, endorsed HB 7395: An Act Concerning Marriage Equality. If the measure becomes law, it would be a significant victory for those who advocated for years to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage, Ms Stanback said.

Connecticut has become only the second state to vote a marriage equality bill out of committee. The bill, sponsored by State Senator Andrew McDonald and State Representative Michael Lawlor, will now move to the full House for debate.

In advance off that debate, members of Connecticut Clergy for Marriage Equality (CCME), a large clergy group from diverse faith traditions dedicated to attaining marriage equality for same-sex couples, held a prayer breakfast in Hartford. From there, supporters of the bill marched to a planned press conference at the Capitol, where clergy leaders including Bishop John Selders shared personal stories about the support of faith communities for marriage equality.

Rev. Joshua M. Pawelek, Chairperson of CCME, said “We are here to make it clear that clergy and religious leaders in the state of Connecticut support full marriage equality for same gender couples. While we respect the right of all religious institutions to make their own decisions and practice their own traditions regarding religious marriage, we do not think there is any place for discrimination in the civil marriage laws. Full marriage equality under state law is a matter of justice for gay and lesbian people, and we religious leaders will continue to demonstrate for justice until it has been achieved.”

Rev. Pawelek was joined by over 30 clergy from around Connecticut. Bishop John Selders of Amistad United Church of Christ in Hartford, Rabbi Kim Blumenthal of Vernon, Rev. Joanne Neel-Richard of New Haven, Rev. Sidat Balgobin of Norwich, and Rev. Ron Brown of the Connecticut Conference, United Church of Christ all provided remarks in support of marriage equality.

Rabbi Blumenthal of Congregation B’nai Israel, said, “Nothing, not even in the Bible, can stand in the way of our obligation to treat our fellow human beings with respect and dignity.”

Praise For Legislators

Ms Stanback praised legislators who she said listened carefully to their constituents’ stories and concerns and voted to treat all Connecticut families with dignity and respect. Supporters of LMAF believe marriage is a personal commitment between two people that is licensed and recognized by governments around the world. No other word has that power and no other word can provide that protection.

Natalia Smith-Wallach is quick to point out the many differences between those engaged in civil unions and the many universal benefits afforded to couples holding a marriage license. For Aimee, the differences in many respects boil down to targeted discrimination.

“We’re just like everybody else,” she said. “We’ve got good jobs, great kids, and we deserve the same rights.”

“In Connecticut we have additional benefits,” Natalia said. “But traveling is very different for us.”

She cited a recent trip to Florida and the need to not only pack normal necessities for their travel, but also arranging living wills and mutual powers of attorney in the event of an emergency outside the statutory jurisdiction of their civil union in Connecticut.

By preventing the Newtown couple from legally joining together in marriage, the state prevents Smith-Wallachs from accessing more than 1,100 federal protections. There are approximately 1,138 federal laws dealing with the benefits and protections linked to marriage (including Social Security) that civil unions do not confer.

While federal law must be challenged for same-sex couples to access these rights, with civil unions no challenge is possible. Those engaged in civil unions know their rights and protections stop at the state line, while marriages are respected from state to state for all purposes.

Even ending a civil union is problematic, according to LMAF. Individuals who become legally married can get divorced in any state in which they reside. This is not the case with civil unions. Couples who move out of state have no way to terminate their legal, civil commitment.

And most importantly for many same-sex marriage advocates, the lack of protections afforded under the law has a harmful impact on children.

Statistics from LMAF show thousands of Connecticut children are being raised by gay and lesbian parents. The organization believes these children understand the meaning and importance of marriage.

“Why should those children be made to feel that their family is not as good or respected as their best friend’s family across the street?” Ms Stanback asked. “Our organization believes only marriage provides equal dignity and respect for all families.

Parties Support Cause

In support of the organization and its mission, more than 80 hosts all over the state came together in late March for a shared event called “Eat Drink & Be Married.” Advocates and friends of the equal marriage initiative hosted dinner parties for family, friends, church groups, or colleagues. Natalia and Aimee hosted one of those parties, bringing together 25 people and significantly exceeding their projected contribution back to LMAF.

Today, the eyes of LMAF supporters nationwide and the organization’s local advocates are on Hartford. And although they have high hopes of seeing the Marriage Equality bill pass, they say its progress to date is nothing short of historical.

“We are thrilled that the marriage equality [proposal] passed the first hurdle in the legislature, and by such a wide margin,” said Natalia. “This legislation is very meaningful to us personally, we have been partners and lived together for six years, we have shared custody of my children and are involved with homework, school, and sports as any other parents would do.”

Aimee and Natalia simply want the state to treat their relationship and family as equal to other families.

“We both know what the word marriage means and the rights and privileges it confers, having been married before,” Aimee said. “We want those rights and privileges — we want to be allowed to marry like any other couple. The difference between saying this is my wife and this is my civil partner is inherently unequal.”

The couple said they hope that local lawmakers will do the right thing when they have a chance to vote on the legislation in the house and senate “And we hope they vote on the side of justice and fairness for all families, including ours,” Natalia said.

Ms Stanback sees the momentum coming from the judiciary committee’s endorsement of the bill as an important first step in a greater process

“And whatever happens next, we can’t help but feel heartened by the extraordinary progress we have made,” Ms Stanback said. “The tide is turning, and it won’t be much longer before Connecticut is a place of inclusion and equality for all families.”