Date: Fri 05-Mar-1999

Publication: Bee

Author: SHANNO

Quick Words:

brides-commitment-promise

Full Text:

BRIDES: The Commitments -- At The Heart Of Every Wedding Is A Promise To Unite

By Kathaleen Roberts

Copley News Service

Strip away the snowdrifts of lace and the flame-silk saris, and all weddings

revolve around commitment.

Couples unite through pledges and vows, canopies and rings, lighting candles

and offering gifts to the gods. But whatever the cultural trappings, the core

of the service ebbs back to the promise between a man and a woman.

The Muslim tradition views that commitment so seriously that couples are asked

if they want to marry three times during the service.

"You're making a commitment to each other under the eyes of God," said

25-year-old Omar Habib, a medical student who lives with his wife, Amina, in

Chicago. "Divorce isn't very common in our religion at all. Once you get

married, it's for life."

The Habibs married in July 1997. During the service, the couple separated into

different rooms as witnesses asked each partner if they were willing to accept

one another.

"You can deny it up to that point," Mr Habib said. "Once she comes and sits

down with me, we're married."

In his wedding speech, the hari, or religious scholar, who married the couple

said a husband a wife were to be like garments to one another.

He said to "make sure that you respect and love one another," said Mrs Habib.

"They really focuses on keeping an open mind and supporting one another."

Other services reflect those vows visually. Rat and Brenda Khathakhanthaphixay

literally tied the knot during their 1994 Buddhist ceremony in Elgin, Ill. A

piece of string was woven between twin floral centerpieces at the altar. After

a priestly blessing, guests and family members chanted for the uniting of the

young couple's souls. Then the priest tied a string around both their waists

and blessed them, said Rat's Uncle Shawn Phonthibsvads.

Elizabeth and Scott Stephens declared their commitment through traditional

Roman Catholic vows. A required engagement encounter weekend showed their

willingness to face the problems that can rock the most loving couples. The

pair filled out separate questionnaires covering hot newlywed topics such as

money, in-laws and raising children.

Both kept their own checkbooks before they were married, a financial

independence each was reluctant to relinquish.

"We're still trying to work that out," said Mrs Stephens, a 1996 bride.

Those differences also surfaced in the couple's choice of biblical readings.

Elizabeth wanted more progressive passages, while her husband preferred the

traditional. They learned to compromise.

After taking their vows, the couple lighted a trio of unity candles first

kindled on opposite sides by each of their mothers. They added a personal

signature to this traditional ritual, however. The bride and groom usually

blow the separate candles out before lighting their own in the center.

"We decided to leave them lit because our families are really important to

us," Elizabeth said. "We prayed for family and friends that had passed away

and for all married couples everywhere."