I don’t usually spend much time in the kitchen except to jump up on the countertop with muddy paws, then walk across the cutting board and jump back down. But last week I did hear about a couple who were in a bit of a snit over a new technological innovation involving Saran Wrap.

Apparently, the box designer has come up with a “No Hassle” new method for cutting the strips of plastic as they are pulled off the roll. It’s called the “Slide ‘N Cut Bar.”  When you first open the box, you are supposed to remove this clunky plastic bar containing a knife-edge with sliding tool attached, and affix the bar (mounted with sticky tape) to the outside of the box. Then use it every time you pull more Saran Wrap out. The husband in this aforementioned couple is an engineer who read the instructions and dutifully affixed the bar to the package, declaring that it worked beautifully. But his wife, who is an English major but never reads directions, came along after the fact. She didn’t know what the heck this new thing was, and she had never had any problem ripping off Sarah Wrap strips the old way, so she yanked the “Slide ‘N Cut Bar” clean off making quite a mess of torn cardboard and frayed edges in the process. Now, after futile efforts at passing the limp plastic across the now soft cardboard box edge, the two of them have resorted to using scissors to cut off each sheet. Have you ever tried to cut Saran Wrap with scissors? There has been much mumbling and gnashing of teeth in that kitchen ever since.  All I can say is, I didn’t do it!

In all the excitement of Halloween and the election, I forgot to mention that Bill Brimmer almost managed sneak another birthday by us on October 31. Bill got a bowtie for his birthday, but he is still a little uncertain about how to tie it. The instructions that the salesman sent along with the tie were that you tie a bowtie the same way you tie your shoes. Bowtie veteran Scudder Smith told him that the salesman didn’t know what he was talking about but declined to explain the intricacies of the knot. Evidently it is proprietary information known only to waiters, soda jerks, and newspaper publishers.

If you’re going to do something totally out of character, you might as well take on an alias while you’re at it. So it was that Sky Queen was recently seen soaring above the Gulf of Mexico in a parasail. She is also known as Alligator Annie because of her exploits involving a 15-foot alligator in the swamps of the Florida Everglades. Now that she’s back in Newtown, Carol Mahoney is going by her more familiar alias — Tax Lady.

There was no question about whether freezing weather would arrive in Newtown this week. I knew it because Jack Fong finally brought in his fig tree late last week. Dr Fong’s potted fig tree is so big that it is on rollers so that at the first threat of a heavy frost, he can roll it back into his garage for the winter.

Once again members of St Rose Church, the Knights of Columbus, the Newtown Congregational Church, and Congregation Adath Israel are joining together to host a community dinner on Thanksgiving. Empty nesters and others who will be alone on Thanksgiving are invited to attend. Meals will be delivered to the homebound, and take-out also will be available. Volunteers also are needed to help serve, package, and deliver. Anyone who wants to participate by eating, helping, or both, should call Charlie Hettenbach at 426-0782.

Former Newtown resident and longtime birding enthusiast Polly Brody is going to be the guest of Western Connecticut Bird Club next week. Polly will be presenting a free slide program about the birds of Trinidad, Venezuela, Brazil, and Australia on Tuesday, November 16, at 7 pm, at Southbury Public Library. Polly is a founding member of the bird club, and is — as many residents probably remember — a widely published poet and essayist. Her presentations are always wonderful, and I imagine she would love to see some of her old friends and neighbors.

Theatre Genesius in Darien will be opening its next production, My Fair Lady. The Reverend Michael Jude Fay, who founded the former St Rose Theatre here in 1979 and who is currently the pastor at St John’s Church in Darien, is serving as the production’s director and co-producer. Longtime Newtown resident Ginny Chiaramonte, who has been treading the boards since the age of 5 and now works as a professional nurse and dress designer, is the costume designer. Performances will be running for the next three weekends, until November 21, and tickets are $25 for adults, $22 for seniors. Call 203-256-1391 for reservations and other specifics.

Ashlar of Newtown residents John and Florence Rabuse were visiting with their daughter Anne last weekend when the subject of snow came up. I’m not sure how they got onto the subject of winter and its first appearance (especially considering how beautiful it was on Sunday when this whole conversation was taking place!), but the Rabuses started making guesses over when they think the white stuff will show up this year. John is looking toward November 20, and Anne is hoping for a little later than that. John’s roommate Ken Perley also got in on the action, saying he thinks we’ll see a good snow on Thanksgiving this year. Ever the snow optimist, Mr Perley’s granddaughter Shannon said she heard on the news Sunday morning that we might see some flurries as early as this week, so her prediction was set for November 10. (Sorry Shannon, you lose.) We’re talking about some serious stakes here: whoever guessed the date closest to the first snow of the year wins a Hershey bar.

Strangely enough, I had a phone call from Bill McIlrath early Monday afternoon. The Appleblossom Lane resident told me he was looking through an old calendar of his and two years ago, on November 13, 2002, Newtown got six inches of snow.

I can confidently predict that I will return one week from now, so be sure to…

Read me again.