The Agony Of Drugs And The Hope That Comes With Healing

By Shannon Hicks

Don Singer never did well with reading in school. He had to take special education classes, and strongly disliked reading and writing in journals.

Things are much different today, however. Now the former owner of Don’s Rent-All in Sandy Hook is a recovering drug addict, he journals regularly, and he is willing to share his story of a climb back toward sobriety. A former Marine, Mr Singer says he has been clean for three years.

Mr Singer has authored a collection of freeform journal entries that are very poetic in nature, and these writings have been collected into a book released by PublishAmerica.

Pain Suffering Hope is a softcover book (ISBN 1-4137-9486-6) that is filled with loose writing, almost poetic in language, that fits the book’s title. Mr Singer does not see the collection as a poetry book, but says it is a collection of his journaling. Mr Singer has been journaling, he said, for a number of years.

The book’s back cover is unflinching in its brief look at Mr Singer’s life so far.

“To mask his feelings so he could feel comfortable in a crowd, he would use drugs and alcohol … when he had the world at his fingertips, he would choose drugs over his work, over his friends, over his wife and children, and eventually would decide to [try to] take his life rather than a drug,” is what readers learn about Mr Singer before they even begin reading the poetic entries inside the book’s covers.

While working past his addictions, Mr Singer began writing for himself.

“I have been writing a lot, and have been told that sometimes my speaking comes out sounding very lyrical,” he said.

He submitted his collection to PublishAmerica, a Baltimore-based company that works in the traditional form of advance and royalty payments (it is not a Publish On Demand or “vanity” publisher). In trying to have his work published, Mr Singer said, his motivation was to put into writing what he has been thinking and going through in recent years. His second concern, or hope, was that his words and experiences might help someone else.

Mr Singer admits that allowing the world to see what’s going on in his mind was daunting.

“Yes, I was a little concerned initially what people would think when they read this,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t concern me now. I know the negative will come, but I’ve already heard something positive.

“One woman contacted me after she read my book. Her son has a drug problem, and he is in rehab now because of what he read in this book. He didn’t want to go down that path, and he saw that he needed some help,” Mr Singer said. “Whatever it takes to change one person’s life, it’s worth it,” he said, reasserting his decision to publish.

“When I read this book and realize it is about what I’ve lived and still live, it speaks to what I’ve done to my family, my kids,” he said. “When I was writing, I was writing to get this out of my head. Now I want to say this to others.

“The most important thing I can hear is that someone else reads my words, realizes they’re going through garbage, but see that they can change their life.”

The first entry catches one’s attention, and many people have found themselves continuing to read well into the book after they picked it up for what they planned to be just a cursory glance. (A few copies of the book have been floating around the office of The Bee and a number of people have found themselves doing just that — picking up Pain Suffering Hope out of curiosity, and then taking the book to their own desk for a fuller read.)

The book opens with “Why I Hate You,” which begins by sounding like a love note —

I wake up longing for you.

My first thoughts are of you only.

I miss you more than life itself.

How can I live without you.

Readers soon see that this isn’t a love note, at least not in the traditional sense. It turns out Mr Singer is addressing a very addictive drug, and as the entry continues the initial longing turns to anger and hatred.

You say what are you doing today.

I say waiting to spend it with you.

My life is nothing without you.

I hate you crack cocaine.

In the 50 entries of this book, Mr Singer addresses pain, suffering, and hope in varying degrees. The entries are all written from the first person point of view, including “How Can I Tell You,” which is written from the point of view of someone wanting to help a friend in trouble.

Some entries — among them “Things,” “You,” and “Dream Come True” — offer Mr Singer’s realization that simple things make life good, others recall the destruction done to his family (“Daddy”), a few remind readers that it is our own choices that make our life what they become (“The only time I am unhappy / Is when I choose to be. / Make your choice today,” he wrote in “Rain”), and some address the predicament of needing help but being terrified to ask for it (“Inside,” “Fear”).

As the book’s title implies, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mr Singer has found his hope. He knows that life will be OK if he stays on track (see “As I”), that it is important to have a good friend as much as it is important to be one (“Look At Me,” “Take A Look”), and that finding strength in God helps him through current challenges (“Where are you?” “You,” “Just A Bird”).

The final entry, “What Did I Find,” explains in part what Mr Singer found during his different stages of pain, suffering, and hope,.

“Miracles really do happen,” that entry concludes. “Just look around, you will see them everywhere. The trick is you have to want to see them.”

The artist Michael Morshuk, a former resident of Newtown, was able to lend a helping hand for Mr Singer when he began thinking about cover art for his book. Mr Morshuk’s painting “Waterfront Story” (which originally appeared on the cover of the summer edition of The North American Review, now hosted by the University of Northern Iowa) was selected for the cover of Pain Suffering Hope.

“I knew Mike, and knew that he was an artist. When I mentioned this project to him, he already had this painting available,” Mr Singer said. “I took one look at is and said ‘Perfect! That’s just like my brain… scattered.’”

Mr Singer’s book is available through Amazon.com and Borders.com. He will be doing a reading at Unity Hill United Church of Christ in Trumbull during the first week of December, and recently learned that Booth Library in Newtown will also host a reading. Mr Singer will donate books for the Trumbull event, and will donate proceeds from the sales of any books that evening to help Hurricane Katrina victims. Contact the church, at 374-8822, for program information. Details for the Booth Library program are still being confirmed.

“Never give up hope,” Mr Singer says. “I have all the wreckage that anybody who has lived that lifestyle does. I used drugs to alter my perception — to clarify things, or so I thought. Now I find it amazing how clearly I see things.

“If a person was to take a minute and flip through [his book], hopefully they can see that a person can change,” he said.