Finding Balance

In A World Of Technology

By Nancy K. Crevier

People long to be connected to each other and the proof is in the many methods of communication that humankind has developed to do so over the centuries, from the town criers of the Middle Ages to the BlackBerries that stream information to millions of individuals every day in 2007.

With the advent of the personal computer and the cellphone, the heavens opened wide so far as interconnectedness was concerned. Worldwide contact in a moment became possible via the Internet. E-mail became the preferred mode of interoffice communication and communication in general, sending land mail service into the realm of near-antiquity. Instant messaging added another dimension to staying in touch. Exchanging messages in real time with others logged onto a web service has actually made e-mail a nearly quaint method of communication.

We can telephone, send a letter, e-mail, text message, instant message, leave a voice mail, visit a chat room, or even twitter, the newest way to make sure that friends and family are never in the dark concerning our whereabouts. (“What are you doing now?” is the big question asked on twitter.com, a blog-type service that allows subscribers to post the what and when of every mundane move they make in real time to a “global community of friends and strangers,” as it says on the website.) It is connectedness in the sense of being super-connected.

GPS systems track in real time or on tape; smart phones, pagers, and other personal data apparatus allow us to send brief text messages instantly to others or to leave voice and text messages to be accessed at a later date.

Technology has impacted human relationships as well as communications.  Proximity is no longer a requirement for companionship. People make friends around the world, find dates, and develop social groups through chat rooms on the Internet. More recently, the advent of sophisticated 3-D video computer worlds has given a lifelike feel to fanciful user-built cities and the characters that populate them.

With every advance in technology, the world becomes a bit smaller, and one would think, a bit closer.

But are we more or less connected than we were in the days when information passed hand to hand or mouth to ear? Is it possible that the very connectedness we sought is driving us away from real connections to real people?

Virtual Lives

Spending hours in a fantasy world where life can be manipulated may be appealing to those who find real life interpersonal situations treacherous to navigate. Virtual worlds like Second Life and Entropia Universe allow players to take on a tailored persona and a parallel life, sometimes requiring financial investments that can be turned into real life dollars and cents and allowing characters to interact one on one in ways that smack of something far deeper than animation.

Bart and Ruth Schofield counsel area families and individuals about a number of issues, including addiction and isolation. The psychotherapists have seen many instances in which technology contributes to problem behaviors or isolation. “People come to us for all kinds of reasons,” said Ms Schofield. “They say they can’t communicate, there’s a divorce going on, whatever. Behind the reason that brings a person to us there is sometimes this technology addiction that is the root of the problem. I see the addict who is addicted to online relationships that parallel a real world relationship. One person had a ten-year relationship online. And this was not with a virtual character,” said Ms Schofield. There is a definite impact on personal relationships when technological interactions are allowed to go too far, she said.

When a person becomes involved in an online relationship, virtual or through a chat room, said Ms Schofield, “It takes away energy and connectedness to real life relationships.” The hidden danger with virtual relationships in virtual worlds, she said is the brain chemical “hook” that causes people to set aside their other interests, families, and friends in favor of the virtual relationship or online friendships.

“Not everyone who plays online games or virtual games becomes addicted, of course,” said Mr Schofield. “I don’t think people play games initially because they have social problems; they do it because it is fun. But I have never seen a person utilize a virtual world to improve real world relationships. They usually use it as a refuge or as a crutch. People are more at risk to develop unhealthy relationships online if they don’t have healthy real life relationships. It is isolating,” he said. “I don’t think people who are socially mature would get so deeply involved.”

Banking automatic teller machines and self-checkouts make it possible for us to carry on tasks without making actual contact with a real person. There is no small talk to take up precious seconds of time. We do not need to interpret body language. Groceries can be ordered online, delivered, and paid for in complete anonymity.

Both of the Schofields have seen instances in their practices when technology is used as an isolating technique. “People can use technology to avoid contact,” Mr Schofield said, citing a client who used technology to the point that he only had to go in to his work place once a week and was able to sidestep situations that required him to make face-to-face contact with others.

Online games allow for a wide spectrum of players at levels that may not be attainable with the person at hand. When playing a board game face-to-face, however, conversation blossoms as moves are pondered and conflicts are resolved, not left to simmer in cyberspace. New ideas can be generated as one-on-one play develops. Does it matter?

“Face-to-face contact is important, more for some people than others,” Ms Schofield said. She believes those who opt for online game playing and interaction rather than a one-on-one situation miss a lot. “When you’re playing board games, there’s a lot of chat that goes on. You chat about life, share the minutia of life. We are missing those things when we use technology to replace face-to-face interactions. Isn’t part of the function of a game the interconnectedness?” she asked.

“E-mail and instant messaging are great in that they can be carried on by people who are not physically able to get together with others. With dissociative identity disorder, which used to be called ‘multiple personality,’ one of the protocols for treatment is to communicate via e-mail or IM in addition to face-to-face counseling,” Mr Schofield said. There is something lost, though, he thinks, with these methods, even compared to the telephone. “You can’t hear the tone of voice,” he noted. “You can’t see the body language and variance in facial expressions.” With an e-mail icon to convey a smile, a tear, a wink, it is very one-dimensional, he pointed out. “You get a smile, and that’s it. Is it a big, wide smile or a little half-smile? You don’t know.” There are subtle losses, said Mr Schofield, that may add up to large losses in connectedness.

 

Technology As A Tool

Technological advances have probably aided more people than they have hindered, said the Schofields. “There is nothing wrong with e-mailing or texting or IMing. It is wonderful to be able to stay in touch with such immediacy,” Ms Schofield said, and related how a handicapped client of hers has broadened his world through the use of the computer. “He has made friends all over the country, and they really are friends. He has had some of his mobile friends come to visit. They get and give support, which is part of true friendship. Because he has a computer, he is truly alive,” she said.

It is when reliance on technology interferes with interaction in the real world that it is not healthy, said the Schofields. “Technology can be a tool,” Ms Schofield said, “but a person needs to ask if they use it as a tool or as a crutch, like any other addiction.”

“You have to avoid extremes. And there are some people who are more inclined to be ‘hooked,’ and get sucked deep inside virtual reality worlds and use technology to avoid contact,” Mr Schofield added.

Dr Charles Herrick, chairman and head of the psychiatric unit at Danbury Hospital, agrees that abused technology can result in isolation. “Technology has the potential to connect, but also to distract people, or to overly involve or engage people. Something like 80 percent of all websites are pornography, and it can be a huge problem in relationships. Gambling online is also becoming a huge problem,” said Dr Herrick, “although I believe the government has tried to monitor that.”

Everyday technology such as e-mail, IM, texting, and even self-checkouts can be seen as an avoidance technique, said this doctor. “It is avoidance in the sense that for many people it requires a certain level of commitment to express to someone directly. Technology allows a person to take one step back. It also allows a person to impulsively react,” he said. That could mean problematic relationships when a message sent in an instant is one that perhaps should not have been sent; one that, in person, might have fallen into the “bite your tongue” category.

By opting to play games online, a lot of powerful, unconscious social cues are lost, Dr Herrick said. “Communication is not just words. It’s body language, it’s the environment, and it’s subtle gestures. That’s entirely missing when play is all undertaken online.”

In his practice, Dr Herrick has patients whose lives are disrupted by an overdependence on online activities, whether it is viewing pornography, gambling, or relationships developed in chat rooms. “There are problems in couples’ relationships when one of them develops a virtual relationship that is extremely powerful. It can cause tremendous difficulty in a couple’s life,” he said. Dr Herrick also warned that without face-to-face contact, there is no way to determine the legitimacy of statements made by online connections. “That is where we run into the problem of predators, for instance,” he said.

Technology is a tool that can be used in a positive fashion, though, Dr Herrick said. “It is like alcohol: it can bring people together in a relaxed atmosphere, but it is also a dangerous drug and can be abused. The Internet can be a rich, imaginative outlet for people if it is used to enhance other aspects of life,” he said.

Technology will not go away, but its use must be monitored, according to these professionals. As Ms Schofield said, “We are made to be social beings. We need real contact, too.”