Joy Outreach –

A Mission Of Joy At Times Of Grief

By Jan Howard

A youthful introduction to grieving, visits as a teenager with terminally ill patients, and the tragic loss of two children has led a Bethel resident to form a Christian ministry to the seriously ill and bereaved.

A Joy Outreach was established informally in 1997 by Pastor Roxane Telesha to reach out and encourage others to reach out to the dying and grieving and their families.

“Everybody deals with grief differently. There is no orderly way that people go through grief,” Pastor Telesha said last week. “We need to learn to be there for people who are dying.

“I use very practical, down-to-earth methods that I’ve gleaned from advanced studies, experiences, and from groups and retreats for people in a lot of pain,” she said.

A doctor in the natural health field for over 30 years, Pastor Telesha was ordained as a minister through Elim Fellowship in Lima, N.Y. “Elim is interested in practical missionary work,” she said. “It is interested in nurturing and supporting me in being a missionary to dying people and their families.” She began studying in 1997 and, following oral exams, was ordained in 1999.

“I got to be a licensed minister because I really do it,” Pastor Telesha said. She is currently studying for her master’s in pastoral counseling at St Joseph’s College in West Hartford, which requires 60 credits, and an internship and practicum that she would like to do with Hospice.

“It’s a very demanding program,” she said. “I’m licensed as a pastor to do pastoral counseling, but with this I would be licensed by the state.”

At the present time, she is in the process of getting A Joy Outreach, which is still in its formative stages, established as a church without walls. “This is about doing,” Pastor Telesha said. “It’s based on the idea that you need to prove yourself a doer of the Word. We’re supposed to care about our neighbors. I travel to do church with people.”

Pastor Telesha, a trained Biblical counselor, takes her outreach program to churches, Christian organizations, retreats, seminars, and secular meetings. Issues discussed include ministering to the seriously ill, dealing with grief and loss, and providing encouragement, hope, and comfort through Biblical scripture.

Her program includes training and equipping others to visit the sick and comfort the grieving in genuine and meaningful ways in their communities. She provides this training for families and friends, small groups, Bible studies, pastors and elders, and church congregations. “It’s been my agenda always to raise up other leaders,” she noted.

A Joy Outreach offers a Bible-based curriculum and training. Pastor Telesha has written a manual for the program, but tailors  what she presents according to the group and its size.

One of the programs conducted by Pastor Telesha and her co-director, Beth Anderson of Southbury, is “Handling the Holidays,” which deals with the empty chair that exists because of the death of a loved one. “We teach the scripture where the Lord tells people that tears are precious with God. It’s okay to cry,” she said. “We inform about grief by having people share. We talk about mediation and reconciliation with a family at the end of life, of forgiveness.”

Her interest in the dying and bereaved began when she was a little girl. Her aunt worked in a funeral home in White Plains, and she often took her niece with her to help with filing and other odd jobs. “I watched my aunt deal with horrifically grieved people,” Pastor Telesha said.

When she was 13, she and another teen visited with patients in a home for the terminally ill. “I did that for several years. For a long time, I thought I wanted to be a nun,” she said. “But my father didn’t want me to become a nurse. He said I had better things to do with my life, so I became a teacher.”

A graduate of Hunter College, she did her student teaching at the Hunter College School for Gifted Students, preparation for a role she would play later in her own child’s life.

Pastor Telesha and her husband, Dr Anthony Telesha, who she terms her “biggest supporter,” have four living children and eight grandchildren. The couple’s oldest and youngest children died as teenagers. Their son, Duane, died suddenly at 19. Their daughter, Amanda Joy, died at 15 after a long siege of meduloblastoma, a brain and spine cancer. Pastor Telesha discovered she was expecting Amanda two and a half weeks after their son’s death.

Following Duane’s death, she reestablished her relationship with God. “It was such a big loss. There was no place to turn but to God for comfort and wisdom,” she said. “I started to examine what the Bible says and became involved in Christian women’s organizations.”

She is currently involved in a small group at her church, Walnut Hill Community in Bethel, and leads a grief group. A character she created for herself, Cousin Carol, often visits the unique retreats she offers or drops in as a surprise visitor at grief groups. The character can be used as part of a presentation or alone.

“Cousin Carol is a humor thing I do,” Pastor Telesha said. With her flower-trimmed hat, mismatched clothing, and socks and sandals, Pastor Telesha is transformed into judgmental Cousin Carol, who thinks she knows everything and is always telling people what to do.

With a black armband for mourning her recently deceased cat, Cousin Carol will appear at a grief group, Pastor Telesha said. “She’s very upset because, knowing her Bible, she knows where people go when they die, but she doesn’t know where her cat has gone. There is nothing in the Bible about where pets and other animals go. She’s very upset.

“Having Cousin Carol visit is a way to say things I couldn’t say to people another way. She can say things that snap them out of the way they think,” she said. “She knows everything and can fix anything in people’s lives. We all have one of her in our families, and there is a little of her that lives secretly in each of us – being judgmental. And she knows her Bible – that’s why she thinks she can tell everyone what to do.”

Pastor Telesha’s missionary work really began when Amanda was about 2½. “Amanda was musically talented. I would lecture about grief, and she would sing. The theme would be Joy Comes in the Mourning.” This theme later evolved into a drama called “Precious Movements” that they would perform. “We would go to churches and do dramas that we would write and do everything for,” she explained.

During this time she home schooled Amanda, who was gifted. “It allowed her to pursue art, music, and writing,” Dr Telesha said. “We traveled so she could do dancing and singing. That’s how our life was then.”

Dr Telesha considers the time she spent home schooling Amanda as the highlight of her life. “It was great nurturing her talents, watching her grow,” she said.   

She and Amanda became very involved with the New England Keswick in Monterey, Mass., a teen camp. “They were all so wonderful to her when she was sick,” Pastor Telesha said. “It was her dying wish that they have another building so no one would ever be turned away.”

Because of that wish, the Amanda Joy Fund was founded. It is currently being used to reduce a mortgage on a building that burned and was replaced.

 “I do a women’s overnight there twice a year. I do a week of camp in 22 hours, ministering to women, and raising funds for the Amanda Joy Fund,” Pastor Telesha said, noting that hopefully someday the money raised will pay for that additional building her daughter wanted.

Pastor Telesha’s program at New England Keswick is called “Life in the Way,” she noted. “It’s really fun. I make it relevant to everyday life. We use all different kinds of methods. There’s never anything alike.

“One of the things I treasure about going to St Joseph’s is to be able to become more effective.”

Dr Telesha and A Joy Outreach can be reached by calling 203-792-2335; by email at drroxane@hotmail.com; and on the Internet at www.ajoyoutreach.org.