Parent University Proves Mom, Dad Are Not Too Cool For School

By John Voket

An unprecedented turnout of parents, teachers, caregivers, and members of the community arrived at Newtown’s Parent University March 19 ready to catch a glimpse of the world local students experience throughout their journey from elementary to high school and beyond.

The fourth annual event included everything from an acting troupe to a police dog, to a host of experts all ready to help parents understand, and when necessary intervene, if their children or a young person they know appears to be heading down the wrong path.

For the first time, the Newtown Parent Connection, Inc, offered Parent University in partnership with the Brookfield Substance Abuse Coalition and SMART, Inc (Southbury/Middlebury Acting Responsibly Together). The ultimate goal of the program, which occupied much of the Newtown Middle School, was to provide parents and those who care about children effective skills to cope with the ever-changing and challenging field of child rearing.

As a bonus, “Kid’s University” provided free child care and programs, including a variety of fun, age-appropriate activities for children ages 3 to 11 who attended along with mom and dad.

Parent Connection co-founders Dorrie Carolan and Donna Deluca were on hand to help facilitate the fast-moving program to ensure all the “students” received maximum benefits from the programs and speakers.

Both women were recent recipients of the Gail Smith Award for their efforts in promoting community education and understanding of substance abuse and underage drinking in Newtown.

 “Today was just a perfect day to see all these parents here getting educated,” Ms Carolan said. “And especially for the parents who never attended this kind of educational forum. They’re happy to be here, but we’re hearing they are sad to have missed the last three.”

Ms Deluca was particularly thrilled to welcome their neighboring partner coalitions and all the residents from those towns and beyond who turned out to the 2011 activities.

“It’s always been a dream of Dorrie’s and mine for every town to have this kind of grassroots coalition,” Ms Deluca said. “She reached out to me when my son was in the throes of a terrible heroin addiction, and her son had passed away after a prescription drug overdose. What we learned was in talking to each other and reaching out to other parents who were suffering and struggling, there’s nothing like that peer-to-peer support.”

Ms Deluca said that the Parent University program this year struck a balance between proactive and reactive, to be sure to accommodate parents who already suspected their child, or those in his or her circle of friends, might be involved in substance use or abuse.

Newtown Parks and Recreation Commissioner Jan Brookes and Sue Tarnish, a local mom who works for the Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services, both attended a workshop titled, “Upstanders Vs Bystanders: Helping Your Kids Have Healthy Relationships,” hosted by Heidi Rankin, MPA, PDV, the outreach coordinator for the Women’s Center of Greater Danbury.

Ms Brookes said for many of the challenges posed particularly by the anonymity of social media, parents received “powerful tools to help their children negotiate all the pitfalls that may stand in the way of healthy relationships.”

“I’m a grandparent, but I would recommend this for all community members,” Ms Brookes added.

Ms Tarnish said for her, the workshop reminded parents to keep every line of communication open, and utilize every “teaching moment” to reinforce concepts toward building strong relationships.

“This is such a powerful thing, to expand this to other areas of the state that are not fortunate to have a Parent University would be an excellent idea,” she said.

Denise Kennedy, who came from Southbury, attended the talk on “How to Stay Safe in this Wired World,” which was a presentation designed by students themselves.

“The cyber-safety group is a high school group presenting this to us, and they had such a huge impact,” Ms Kennedy said. “They kept saying to keep our kids safe, you have to be aware of what they are doing, look for the warning signs and keep connected to your kids.”

She was particularly impressed by one young man who was coerced into negative behaviors by an individual who posed as a friend online, who said he/she had cancer in order to manipulate the presenter when in fact, the individual on the other end of the computer relationship was just acting out a particular type of cyberbullying.

Charles Manos, director of special education and support services for the Brookfield Schools, said his morning workshop focused on the different types and causes of depression and its signs and symptoms, especially in children and adolescents. He explained and helped parents understand the different treatment approaches used to fit the particular “face” of depression and the importance of relationships as a “curative” factor.

“Professor” Alex Boianghu had a packed room for his talk, “When Kids Push Your Buttons.” The school counselor and therapist explored the forces that push children away and provided methods to re-create connective parenting.

“Most of us have our buttons pushed when we are unaware — we have a certain idea about why our children are acting that way, which are based on assumptions we may have developed in our own childhood,” he explained. “So we must be mindful that our children won’t change if we don’t own what we’re doing first.”

He said parents may be primarily be guided by fear — even when they are trying to guide or coach — but often in the context of disconnecting from their children.

“If we try and influence them through manipulation, control, guilt, resentment, that never has worked,” he said. “In reality by holding them tight, and maintaining open and honest communication, they may actually come and begin talking to parents about risky behavior.”

Other Parent University seminars included: Teens and Drugs: Is it USE or ABUSE?; 21st Century Parenting of Challenging Children & Teens; and Keeping the Connection: Parenting Through Adolescence with Sanity & Humor.

Also, Tackling ‘Tween’ & Teen Sexuality; What’s Really Going On In Our Towns?; Bully: Friend or Foe — Helping Your Children Foster Friendships.

Parents also accessed workshops on Adolescent Risky Behaviors and how to prepare their children and themselves for college.

The Parent Connection is continuing its work locally, hosting two monthly drop-in sessions and two weekly support groups for parents, siblings, grandparents, and caregivers. The group’s offices are now located at Edmond Town Hall on Main Street.

To learn more, call 203-270-1600 or visit newtownparentconnection.org.