Extended Families Return To The Old Neighborhood—

Settling Down On Settlers Lane

By Nancy K. Crevier

Famous anthropologist, the late Margaret Mead once said, “No matter how many communes anybody invents, the family always creeps back.” And while they have not exactly “crept” back, an unusual number of family members have made their way back to Settlers Lane in Sandy Hook.

In a world that is increasingly smaller, it is not unusual for adult children to live hundreds or thousands of miles away, or even across the ocean, from their hometowns. Most parents would be thrilled just to have their children live within driving distance. To think of grown children electing to move back to the street they grew up on is nearly unfathomable.

Yet, on a street in Sandy Hook that was once the site of a fresh air camp for children from Bridgeport and New York City, Paul and Liz Arneth, Bruce and Jane Landgrebe, and Harold and Ann Gantert live side-by-side with their children and grandchildren.

Settlers Lane was developed into a residential street in the mid-1960s. Remnants of the street’s former life as a children’s camp are scattered here and there — a large red barn on the corner that housed recreation facilities, and on the property of the Arneths, a 56-foot-long bunk house. As children, Gavin and Evan Arneth camped out in it with friends.

Says Mrs Arneth, a retired English teacher, “If anyone had ever told me any of my children would move back, let alone across the street, I’d have said ‘Suuuure….’”

Residents of Settlers Lane since 1971, Mr and Mrs Arneth raised their sons there and watched them go off to live their own lives, as children will. Both boys and their families eventually ended up in Milford, but Gavin wanted a more rural setting for his children. In 1998 when Gavin’s mother casually mentioned that the house across the street from them on Settlers Lane was for sale, he and his wife, Carolyn, began to seriously consider a move. They looked at the house, and liked it. But like Mrs Arneth, they had one big concern: respect for each other’s privacy. Would it be possible to maintain their autonomy living so close to his parents, and on a street where Gavin still knew so many families?

“I thought it was great,” says Gavin. “My wife had a few apprehensions about living across from her in-laws. I think she had visions of Everybody Loves Raymond.” He continues, “I knew we would have phenomenal neighbors, the people I had grown up with, and that it was a great neighborhood. It’s a very social neighborhood, with neighborhood Christmas parties and we all have fun on Halloween. I don’t think there are too many places like it left.”

There were other factors that made Settlers Lane in Newtown appealing. As a police officer in Milford, he was required to live within 15 minutes of the police station, and the southern part of Newtown fit the bill. Caroline would be closer to her job at The Taunton Press. Not only that, but Caroline, also a Newtown native, had recently lost her father. With some renovation, the house on Settlers Lane could be home to her mother and mentally challenged brother, as well. It all added up, and Gavin, his wife, their children, her mother and brother moved to Settlers Lane in 1998.

He gets a kick out of the fact that his children attend the same school that he did as a child.

“It looks a lot smaller now,” he laughs. “My daughter has the same music teacher, Mrs Popovick, that I had at Middle Gate.”

Mr Arneth, who was a Navy and airline pilot before retiring in 1999, was excited to have his son move on to the street.

“I had no apprehensions,” he says. “We always had a good relationship.”

Having his son across the street saves both of them big expenses. Rather than owning two snow blowers and two lawnmowers, the Arneth generations share the tools. When the Arneths head down to Florida each winter, they do not hire a house-sitter or worry. Gavin takes care of the place.

“We don’t take it [having her son nearby] lightly,” says Mrs Arneth. “We’ve been fortunate.”

What makes the multigenerational living work? It is important for parents of adult children to have lives of their own, believe the Arneths.

“Our lives are very full,” explains Mrs Arneth, one reason she thinks the situation works for them. “We’ve loved living here, doing stuff for the town.”

The “stuff” turns out to be, among other things, involvement with the Lions Club and the Board of Trustees for the Newtown Congregational Church for Mr Arneth, and serving on Booth Library’s Board of Trustees, as well as leading writing, reading, and poetry groups in town for Mrs Arneth.

But there is always time for the added benefit that came with Gavin’s return to Settlers Lane — the grandchildren, Molly and Danny.

“It’s a family affair!” exclaims Mrs Arneth. The grandchildren drop in to make birdhouses and do crafts, and every year the Arneths host a Christmas cookie bake-off for Molly and Danny and their other grandchildren. Sometimes Mr Arneth slips away for a trip to Dunkin’ Donuts with the little ones or just for a walk around the property to admire the birds and butterflies.

A Great Balance

Jane and Bruce Landgrebe agree that developing an adult relationship with their son, Bill, and his wife, Daonne, as well as the opportunity to watch their grandchildren, CJ, Evan, and Avery, grow up is remarkable.

Bill and Daonne had sold their home on busy 302 in Newtown and were living with Daonne’s parents in Easton when Mrs Landgrebe noticed a house on their street for sale. Bill remembered Settlers Lane as a child-oriented neighborhood, and as a good place to raise children.

“You’re crazy!” was his wife’s first reaction to buying a home down the street from Bill’s parents, and Bill, as well as his parents, shared a worry that too much togetherness might taint their good relationship. But those worries have come to naught.

“The balance has been great.” says Bill. “We go for walks, maybe stop in to see them [his parents].”

Many of his newspaper customers from his route as a child still live on the street. CJ, his son, is in Mrs Wenblad’s second grade class at Middle Gate School — as was Bill.

“It’s really funny going to conferences with Mrs Wenblad now for CJ,” he chuckles.

Says Mrs Landgrebe, “I think it’s wonderful. Our grandkids ride their bikes up to visit; yet at the same time, we’re not always spending time together. I enjoy baby-sitting for them.”

Bill recalls, “We had a lot of fun when I was younger. Nowadays, people are afraid to let their kids out of the house, but in this neighborhood, it gives you the feeling you could.” Older children than his, he notices, do feel safe trekking back and forth to each other’s houses from nearby streets.

Bill does not hesitate to state, “We’re definitely happy we moved here.”

Moving In Next To The Grandchildren

In a different twist from the Arneths and Landgrebes, it was Harold and Ann Gantert’s son, Joe, who first moved to Settlers Lane 21 years ago with his wife, Pat, and their children, Amanda, Lianne, and Joseph. At the time, their grandchildren were small, and Mr and Mrs Gantert spent a lot of time driving from Danbury to Sandy Hook to baby-sit.

One day, their son’s neighbor told them he was selling his home on Settlers Lane. They discussed it with Joe and Pat, looked at the house, and soon settled in next to their grandchildren. They have lived there for 15 years.

“We’ve seen our grandchildren grow up,” says Mrs Gantert, a pleasure not many in this day and age experience. Easter and Thanksgiving are celebrated together, as well as birthdays and other holidays. “We get along very well with our sons and daughters-in-law. We’re close, but don’t interfere with each other.”

Even though their grandchildren are grown now, the Ganterts continue to enjoy the diversity of living on Settlers Lane.

“It’s a nice street for kids. There’s a variety of ages on the street — 30 to 70. It’s nice to see little kids, but have neighbors our age.” She goes on to say, “It’s nice to walk and see people, to say ‘Hi, how are you today?’”

The neighborhood connections go on. Rich Guman grew up on Settlers Lane in the house that Harold and Ann Gantert now own, and lives in the house where he played with a school friend. He played football with Bill Landgrebe and baseball with the Arneth brothers. The neighbors, many of whom Rich knows from his childhood days, are the same.

Rich and his wife, Noreen, had spent more than a year looking for a house in Newtown when one went up for sale on Settlers Lane in 1999.

“I was a little nervous, a little wary of moving back,” he recalls. “I thought it might be a little weird.”

The house was what they had been searching for, though, particularly the property, which was ideal for the gardens Rich looked forward to planting. Knowing it would be a good neighborhood for a family led them to the conclusion that Settlers Lane was where they were meant to be.

Now, raising 9-month-old Richard James in his old neighborhood, Rich says he made the right decision.

“There’s no downside to living here, and I’m glad we moved back.”

None of the families made a conscious decision to live in proximity. There was no longing to re-create an earlier, happy era, nor did they feel driven to return. Coincidence and circumstance worked to draw them all together.

“It’s serendipity,” says Liz Arneth.

Maybe it is serendipity. Maybe it is a sense of security and serenity that comes with building family bonds.

Perhaps it is the ghosts of city children running free across grassy fields, calling them back to a place caught in time.