Theater Review—

Santa, Through The Eyes Of David Sedaris

By Julie Stern

NEW HAVEN — I remember it like it was yesterday: an eight minute radio monologue on NPR back in 1992, a few days before Christmas. It suddenly permeated my consciousness that, against a background sound of gentle elevator Christmas music, the speaker was relating how, when he was working as an Elf in “Santaland” at Macy’s, the mother of a badly behaved child demanded that he explain to the child, Riley, that if he didn’t stop acting up, Santa was going to bring him coal instead of presents.

“I told her we didn’t do that anymore” the speaker remarked. Instead he told Riley that now, instead of bringing presents, when a kid is bad, Santa will come and take away all his stuff- all his toys, the food in his refrigerator, the television…

“That’s enough,” said the mother, sounding nervous. But the Elf continued ominously, “and your dog, and your car, and your parents…”

That was my introduction to David Sedaris (and a lot of other people’s as well), for that mordant blast of humbuggery drew such a response from Public Radio listeners that it launched Sedaris’ career as a writer-humorist, whose books earn lots of money, and freed him from the need to support himself with seasonal jobs like Elfing.

It has also been made into a full-length (well, 65-minute) theatrical production — a one-man show performed by an actor (never Sedaris himself) — that is now the holiday season feature at Long Wharf’s intimate Stage Two.

Appearing in street clothes, perched on a high stool, Thomas Sadoski is the actor performing in the New Haven production. He recounts how he (in the role of David Sedaris) arrived in New York as an eager aspiring writer, hoping to find work in television soap operas. When this proved unrealistic, desperate for rent money, he answered a newspaper ad inviting cheerful, outgoing people of any age, shape and gender to apply for work as elves during the Christmas season at Macy’s.

He takes us through the battery of tests required to determine his eligibility, the interviews, the urinalysis, the week of training seminars, the manuals, and finally the ceremonial presentation of his costume, which he proceeds to put on: red and green striped tights, a chartreuse doublet, velvet pantaloons, and a conical hat, jammed down behind his ears to make them seem more pointy.

He chooses an elf name — Crumpet — and is now ready to enter the bureaucratic morass of what he calls “The Christmas Wars.” The curtain opens, and the audience is transported to a sparkling Styrofoam fairyland.

Macy’s has a whole stable of Santas, each in his own little shack, where he waits to meet the endless parade of children whose parents want pictures of them sitting on Santa’s lap. To keep the lines moving (and clean up the occasional unmentionable puddles left behind by traumatized three-year-olds) there are “window elves,” “Photo Elves,” “Cash Register Elves,” “Corridor Elves,” “Santa’s Chair Elves,” and, well, the list seems endless.

In a kind of embarrassed, self-mocking tone, Crumpet tells of his struggles to remain jolly amid hordes of loud, pushy, abusive adults and timid, clueless kids. Using passive aggression as a weapon, he deliberately steers parents who demand “a white Santa this year” to “Jerome,” one of the two “Santas of color.” When a particularly snarky Santa insists that Crumpet sing a solo of “Away in a Manger” to a little girl who doesn’t want to sing, Crumpet responds by singing it — in his best Billy Holiday imitation, complete with a white flower in his hair and a tourniquet on his arm. And so on.

Mr Sadoski does a very good imitation of Mr Sedaris, and the whole thing is extremely funny. It helps that the show is only 65 minutes long. The adult audience was laughing continuously, high school and college kids would love it, and you can be sure that I am never, never, NEVER going to bring my grandchildren to Macy’s at Christmas!

Performances continue until December31. Curtain is Tuesday and Wednesday at 7 pm (also this Sunday, December 17, at 7), Thursday through Saturday at 8 pm, with matinees on Saturday at 3 and Sunday and Wednesday at 2 pm.

Visit LongWharf.org or call the theater’s box office at 203-787-4282 for ticket prices, special programs and other information.