The Dangers Of Line Dancing

To the Editor:

From a neutral vantage point, outside Newtown, I have observed the letters in your paper from Nancy Gordon and Martin Margulies. It seems to me this correspondence tells us a great deal about the dark side of line dancing. We all know that line dancing is an apparently harmless, pleasant amusement, enjoyed by numerous seniors and others. The letters in your pages also tell us of the dangers of its abuse and of its repression.

Nancy Gordon teaches us the danger of line dancing addiction. From her we learn how she and other seniors, doubtless otherwise sensible and clement, are converted by an uncontrolled desire to line dance into ogres who would evict innocent children into the storm and deprive them of educational benefits. Carrie Nation could not have imagined worse things of the Demon Rum.

Mr Margulies shows us the danger of repression. Those who know him can tell you that Mr Margulies demonstrates great skill in line dancing, and total repression of an almost uncontrollable urge to engage in it. The result has long been foreseeable. Those who repress basic instincts in their nature inevitably seek to repress them in others, just as repressed homophiles make the most vicious of homophobes. Mr Margulies suffers not only the desire to repress line dancing in others, but other aspects of resulting psychological morbidity, such as profound acerbity and a fascination with all things emanating from the dour nation of Scotland.

He has sought counseling for this disorder from Line Dancers’ Anonymous, and had progressed so far as to purchase a kilt from Scotland in which to cut a finer figure at the Senior Center, when his counselor died of Saint Vitus’s dance, and Mr Margulies went out of remission. Alas, the kilt lies unused in his wardrobe.

The members of the Senior Center, therefore, should not shun Mr Margulies for his opinions. They should examine their own conduct for traces of Line Dancing Addiction, and reach out to him in charity, enfolding him to their bosoms. For such acts they will know great rewards, both in this life and the next, whenever they get there. As for me, the only reward I seek is the privilege of attending Mr Margulies’ debut at the Senior Center line dance.

Charles A. Heckman

95 Bishop Street, North Haven                                 March 22, 2004