Two Mothers, Two Journeys To China

By Jan Howard

Two Newtown mothers recently made unforgettable journeys of love to China, one to finally meet her long-awaited daughter and the other to visit her daughter, who has been a teacher of English at a university there for the past two years.

Their stories were told Monday at St Rose School, sponsored by the Parish Nurse Ministry.

Patti Cummings’ journey was one of adoption and bringing her nine-month-old daughter home. It was the fruition of a long trail of paperwork and regulations. She spent 15 days in China, a very short time when compared to the lengthy process that brought her there.

Mrs Cummings told a Chinese story about love, how when a person is born, a red thread is tied about their ankle. The red thread theoretically gets shorter and shorter until finally years later the person finds the love of their life.

In regard to adoption, she said, “The wait can be very long, but then you meet the child of your heart.”

In 1999, following three years of infertility procedures, Mrs Cummings, who had one son, came to the conclusion that the biological answer to another child was “no.” However, she felt the tug of a red thread. She and her husband, without even a discussion, had “the feeling our family wasn’t finished.”

After looking at various adoption programs, Mrs Cummings said she “stumbled” upon Catholic Charities. “This was the group we wanted to go with, and we began the paper chase.

“The adoption process is so invasive,” she said. What followed was FBI clearance, INS approval, petitioning the Chinese government for adoption, obtaining original copies of birth certificates and marriage certificate, verification of employment, and financial statements, copies of passports, character references, physical exams, and a home study.

“Every piece of paper had to be notarized, certified, and authenticated,” Mrs Cummings said. “It’s an incredibly long process, and every document costs money. You have to grit your teeth at that time.

“The Chinese government has a list of what they want, and you comply,” Mrs Cummings said.

The plan was that adoptive parents would travel as a group, but because everyone was at different stages in their paperwork, Mrs Cummings and her husband decided they would go to China by themselves.

Finally, the paperwork was completed and submitted. “Then you wait,” she said. After the paperwork is checked, and checked again, in China, parents are matched with a child.

“There are 15,000 families in some stage of waiting,” she noted. Most of the children being adopted are girls.

Mrs Cummings discussed ideas set down by Confusius about families and how children should be regarded. Boys are preferred, she said, because when they grow up, they take care of their parents. Girls marry and take care of their husband’s parents. “Women are not as valued,” she said.

“A one-birth policy has been instituted,” she said. “In cities in particular, families are allowed one birth.” Families in the rural countryside do not follow that rule, she said. If the first child is a girl, the couple can try to have another child. Because of this, a significant number of the female babies that are abandoned are a second daughter. Ultrasound is used for sex selection, she said, and although it is illegal to abort if it is a girl, the child is often aborted.

Mrs Cummings noted also that a couple could be fined if they have more than one child. Wealthy people, however, can afford to pay the fines.

“It is a society in which a woman’s right to have a child is not a personal decision,” she said. “There is a lot of pressure on women to abort or abandon female children.”

It is estimated there are one-half to one million children in orphanages in China. At the same time, Mrs Cummings said, the Chinese government is making it more difficult for single persons or persons under 30 to adopt.

“We passed 2001 and nothing happened,” she said. “There is no way of knowing when the phone call will come. On January 28 the phone call came.”

Mrs Cummings drove directly to Catholic Charities. “It was unbelievable,” she said. There she saw a picture of the baby and received her medical report. “I sent copies of her picture to everybody. We wanted to go right away, but we had to sign a letter that we wanted to adopt her, which was sent to China.”

Finally all paperwork was in order, and on March 14 they were on their way to China to meet their new daughter. On March 17 they were in their hotel room when there was a knock on the door. Mrs Cummings said, “We waited so long, and there she is. There were so many emotions all at once, joy and panic. We had a wonderful facilitator who translated all our questions.”

A photographer took their photograph for the official Chinese adoption certificate, and then they waited for the baby’s Chinese passport to arrive. During that time, they traveled to the orphanage where she had lived.

“We wanted a video album of her early days,” Mrs Cummings said. “We were fortunate to go.” She noted adoptive parents are usually not allowed to see the care facility. It was a tiny orphanage in a remote area, and heated by a coal store. “We never saw a toy in the place.”

Finally, following final paperwork with the American Consulate, Mr and Mrs Cummings and their new daughter were on their way home, with the gift of a Barbie from the hotel where they stayed and crafts representative of their daughter’s heritage.

One hundred fifty to 200 babies every week go through the American Consulate. In 2000, 5,053 visas were issued for Chinese babies.

A Country Of Contrasts

Queta Donovan’s journey with her husband Kevin was one of joy in seeing their daughter, Kiquis. It was also one of observations of a country trying to catch up economically with other Asian nations.

“I was not prepared for China,” Mrs Donovan said. “It is a country of contrasts.”

Mrs Donovan said she thought she would see many people since her daughter was living in a city of six million people. “I never saw that,” she said. She did, however, see much building construction.

“There were many apartment buildings, but they were only 20 percent occupied,” she said.

While visiting her daughter, Mrs Donovan had the opportunity to talk with several university students. “Our major thing was a missionary thing. We wanted to show them the love of God,” she said.

While Mrs Donovan said her discussions with students were monitored, she was allowed to share her life and culture with them; however, she noted, “If you preached, that is wrong.”

She said one thing she realized from talking to the students was that marriages are often ones of convenience. She said the students wanted to know about her marriage and religion.

“I talked about our every-day life,” she said.

Mrs Donovan and her husband were shown great respect by the students because, she said, “We are parents of a teacher. They listen to you always, but if you are outside, no one will say hello.

“The Chinese are beautiful, but I was trying to see more in them, their soul. They are artistic people, but so lonely. They asked me why I was so happy. I shared my life with them.”

She said because students spend long hours in school, if they have one or two hours free when attending college, they do not know what to do with their free time. She said they are really struggling for success.

Mrs Donovan said that Chinese children are taught to “read, eat, and sleep the communist party. If you believe in God, the government says you have a weak mind.”

She said one student, who is a Christian, approached them at night because they are afraid to talk about religion.

Mrs Donovan said the totalitarian country reminded her of many years ago in Mexico when there were restrictions on religion. “I grew up with that,” she said. While in Beijing she saw many soldiers.

Mrs Cummings said that there are many secret police in Tiannamen Square. “It’s hard to forget 1989. I got this feeling of understanding history. It brought back memories of May days of the past.”

Mrs Donovan said she saw great disparity in wealth, from very wealthy people to beggars. She said she expected more equality, “but they are not equals.”

Many people in China ride bicycles for transportation. “They don’t have central heating,” she said.

Mrs Donovan said air pollution is high, especially in cities such as Beijing, because there are no emissions controls. The Summer Olympics are to be held in Beijing in 2008.

She said it was very hard for her to leave China. “It was emotional because I was leaving my daughter there. I applaud all Americans working in the conditions there, who are working day by day with the problems,” she said. “My heart broke.”

But she said she felt free again as their plane rose above the ever-present gray skies over Beijing.