If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

 —Dave Barry

The old theory was “Marry an older man, because they’re more mature.” But the new theory is: “Men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.”

—Rita Rudner

A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.

 —Arnold Haultain

If they can put one man on the moon why can’t they put them all there?

 —Chocolate Waters

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.

—Oscar Wilde

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

 —Steve Martin

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

—Ellery Queen

Women like silent men. They think they’re listening.

 —Marcel Achard

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.

—Robert Byrne

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

—Charlotte Whitton

A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.     —Ella Harris

Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right — instantly.

—Sam Slick

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.

—Erica Jong

I have an idea that the phrase “weaker sex” was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

 —Ogden Nash

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.

 —Madame de Staël

Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses.

–Marie du Deffand

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

– Gloria Steinem

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

– George Carlin