Even the best of friends cannot attend each others’ funerals.

—Kehlog Albran

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.                                                                                      —Garrison Keillor

When one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language.             —John Donne

He would make a lovely corpse.                             —Charles Dickens

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.         —Mark Twain

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.           —Samuel Goldwyn

Spare me the whispering, crowded room, the friends who come and gape and go, the ceremonious air of gloom — all, which makes death a hideous show.                                                         —Matthew Arnold

The pomp of funerals has more regard to the vanity of the living than the honor of the dead.         —Francois de la Rochefoucauld

He who comes for the inheritance is often made to pay for the funeral.                —Yiddish proverb

The first funeral for Andrew Goodman was at night, and it was a lot of work. To begin with, they had to kill him.  —Jimmy Breslin

Worldly faces never look so worldly at a funeral.     —George Eliot

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.   —Irvin S. Cobb

Funerals are pretty compared to death. Funerals are quiet, but deaths — not always.   —Tennessee Williams

A couch of thorns, or an embroidered bed, are matters of indifference to the dead.            — Theognis of Megara

A funeral is not death, any more than baptism is birth or marriage union. All three are the clumsy devices, coming now too late, now too early, by which Society would register the quick motions of man. —E.M. Forster