Care And Feeding Of The Grieving Soul

By Laurie Borst

On the afternoon of November 21, Ashlar of Newtown offered a “Lunch and Learn” at Lockwood Lodge. Robert Werme, a spiritual care coordinator and member of CT VNA Hospice Spiritual Care, presented “Care and Feeding of the Grieving Soul,” which examined the grieving process and addressed ways to find comfort during the grieving period.

What is grief? Mr Werme defines grief as a feeling or response to a perceived loss of something loved.

“Grief is often a challenge to one’s spiritual moorings, or what things mean in life,” Mr Werme continued.

Mr Werme emphasized the importance of grief and grieving. “It’s a natural thing we’ve all experienced.”

“Soul” has a particular meaning. “It is the entirety of our being: body, mind and heart which feel, think, and respond to the world,” he explained.

The metaphor of the journey is not a new idea. “Grief is a segment of this journey which we come to in life. The question is, how to care for the soul at this time,” Mr Werme continued. “We want to get over the grief fast, to put it behind us.

“Grief is not a core response like joy, sadness, anger, fear, shame. We associate grief with sadness. Anger is another piece of that,” he added. “It doesn’t occur to us to go with this feeling, to trust and let oneself go there. There will be a destination worth getting to.”

How do we prepare for grief? Our minds want answers, to get the problem fixed.

How do you nourish the grieving mind? Mr Werme offered some suggestions.

Read, especially poetry. Ask the questions that are in your mind, call a minister, talk to nurse or friend. They may not have answers, but ask the questions, anyway.

Write letters or a journal. Put your thoughts on paper. Write your own poems or letters, even to deceased.

Contemplation is a spiritual discipline no longer part of everyday life. Mr Werme suggests you sit with a notion, mull it over, as during mediation.

What nourishes the grieving body? Touch nourishes body; “Get the hug you need.”

Exercise will help the body. The muscles tense when one is grieving. They get fatigued and achy, he explained. He suggests taking a brisk walk or practicing yoga.

“We hold grief in large muscle groups. Get the muscles working and it gets the grief out,” he added.

Lastly, how do you nourish a grieving heart?

“Laughter is good for health. And tears, too. People are afraid to cry because they are afraid they won’t be able to stop,” Mr Werme explained. “The body knows when to stop. You will cry as much as you need to.”

Warmth, i.e., saunas, sweating and cleansing removes toxins from the body. And social connections, the warmth of others helps us heal.

Our social connections help the grieving heart as well. Doing for others gets us outside ourselves.

Mr Werme ended his presentation with a drumming session. Audience members were given shakers. While Mr Werme drummed, the audience kept the beat with him.