Danbury Hospital Expert Tells Parents What’s Normal Teen Behavior

DANBURY — Using common sense, relying on our gut instincts, and having a sense of humor will help parents get through the teen years without losing their sanity. That was the message from Liz Jorgensen, counselor at Danbury Hospital’s Center for Child and Adolescent Treatment Services (CCATS). Ms Jorgensen, the mother of two teenagers, gave her own tips for disciplining her kids to parents attending Danbury Hospital’ s Medical Town Meeting on “What Exactly is Normal Teen Behavior?”

Ms Jorgensen said much of teen behavior is normal. Being impulsive and irrational, having a sense of urgency, and mood swings are all normal. It’s normal for teens to storm out of a room and slam a door, and think that parents are embarrassing, she said, as long as they don’t do it all the time.

Teens exhibit this erratic behavior, she said, because their brains are still developing. Studies of brain activity show that the part of the human brain that controls impulsive behavior and rational decision-making is still developing in teenagers.

“Parents’ biggest trouble is in trying to understand how they think,” said Ms Jorgensen. “We can’t project adult thinking onto teens. Teens have less access to the higher level of their brains.” A lot of teen decision-making, she said, is based on how they feel for the moment.

But the good news is that good decision-making skills are formed later in adolescence. “Don’t treat them too adult-like; they’re still kids and need us to be parents,” said Mr Jorgensen.

Teens also need to have healthy limitations, expectations, and boundaries, she added. “Part of the problem today is that our kids aren’t intimidated by us. Kids need good parenting at an early age to become good teens.”

“Don’t plan the battle on the battlefield,” she says. “Have a ground rules established before your kid becomes a teen.” Ms Jorgensen gave many examples – many humorous – of things that kids get away with today, that people of their parents’ generation would’ve been punished for.

She suggests that parents pick their battles. If they become too strict, kids will rebel. She suggests establishing boundaries and rules regarding their safety.

Most teen issues revolve around autonomy, she says. “If you don’t like their friend, if you tell them not to see that friend, then they’ll want to be with that friend even more.”

Ms Jorgensen warned parents about getting into power struggles with their teens when setting down rules. If a boundary is about a safety issue, then the teen can’t argue, she says. “Simply say, ‘It’s my job as a parent to make sure you’re safe.’” Ms Jorgensen said that she often tells her kids, “I don’t care if you hate my guts, I want to be sure you’re safe.”

Emphasizing safety also means that parents know where their kids are, and if they’re at a house party, calling the parents to get the story. Parents should always connect with the parent of fiends. Her best piece of advice for parents of teens: “Be consistent with rules and boundaries. You can start implementing rules at any time, but it won’t  be easy. Patterns can be broken.”