Foster Parents Make Room In Their Hearts And Homes

By Nancy K. Crevier

November is National Adoption Month, but finding foster and permanent homes for children in care of the state is a year around challenge, stressed Deb Kelleher, director of Foster Adoptive Mission in Waterbury. “We are in need of foster homes desperately,” she said, “especially in Fairfield County.” There are fewer foster families in Fairfield County than any other county in the state, said Ms Kelleher, based on population.

Foster Adoptive Mission serves as a clearinghouse for potential adoptive and foster parents, and works with state and private adoption agencies to find qualified foster families and permanent homes for the hundreds of children in need in the state.

One of the highest needs for adoption is for older children, particularly nonwhite children, said Ms Kelleher. “It is difficult to find foster homes for children of color after they are 10 years old,” she said. A large number of children who do not find permanent homes by the time they have reached 18 years of age will end up homeless or in jail without help from an agency, she said. According to nationaladoptionday.org, nationally, each year more than 26,000 children reach the age of 18 without ever having a permanent family.

There are several avenues open for those who wish to adopt, said Ms Kelleher. “Well over 80 percent of kids adopted in this state are adopted through legal risk placement,” said Ms Kelleher, of one of those choices available. Legal risk placement can be low or high, with a low legal risk placement meaning that a case is already filed in court and that the child is presently in foster care. Most likely, in this arrangement, the child will become available for adoption. Families who choose to foster a child with a high legal risk must understand that while the intention would be for the child to be freed for adoption, no case has been filed and the child is still considered strictly in foster care. The natural parent may have visitation rights if it is deemed safe to do so. With any legal risk placement, there is an amount of uncertainty as to the child’s ultimate adoption status.

Families can also choose to wait to adopt a child until there has been a legal termination of parental rights, but there are far fewer of these children available for adoption, said Ms Kelleher.

The Importance Of Permanency

The good news is that, according the Connecticut DCF website, adoption numbers in Connecticut are increasing each year. “Over the years, the Connecticut Department of Children and Families [DCF] has increasingly recognized the importance of permanency for children in foster care,” said Gary Kleeblatt, communication director for DCF. For example, said Mr Kleeblatt, in 1997 there were 202 children adopted from foster care in Connecticut. In 2008, new permanent homes were found for 868 children. “There were actually more children in care ten years ago,” said Mr Kleeblatt, “but improvements in the department have made it easier to adopt. Three times the percentage of children adopted now, too, are adopted within two years [of going into state care],” he said. Changes to laws that allow for transfer of guardianship and earlier termination of parental rights have aided in the increased adoption rate, said Mr Kleeblatt, and licensing and legal work occur in a more timely fashion.

For the past eight years a special day has been set aside nationally during National Adoption Month to bring together adoption agencies, courts, advocacy organizations, and parents to finalize adoptions, and to create awareness of the need for permanent families for children in foster care. In Connecticut, National Adoption Day was celebrated on November 15.

“National Adoption Day is helpful. It creates an awareness among the public about the need for foster care and adoption,” Mr Kleeblatt said. “This was the second year that we have honored National Adoption Day in Connecticut. The public and media invited into probate courts have the opportunity to witness a really powerful experience when children are permanently and legally made a part of a family,” he said.

For Leora Washburn of Newtown, being a foster and adoptive parent has brought her some of the greatest joy she has experienced, she said.

A certified foster parent in Connecticut since 1992, she has opened her heart and home to ten foster children of all ages over the years. “I always said I would have my own and then adopt, never thinking that it would come true one day,” said Ms Washburn. “I’ve always loved children and have offered day care in the area for over 20 years.”

Her eldest son is now 37 years old, but when the single mother had the opportunity, she decided to adopt two of the children she had fostered. Sabrina, now 12 years old, came to Ms Washburn when she was only five days old. Before that, none of the children she cared for were adoptive prospects, as the mission of foster care, she explained, is that the children one day return to their biological parents whenever possible.

“I knew right away that Sabrina’s natural mother was giving her up for adoption, but there is a waiting period before parental rights are terminated legally, so it was August 2000 when I finally adopted her,” said Ms Washburn. Her son, Ryan, who is 15 years old, was in her foster care as a toddler, was placed with a preadoptive family when he was 4 years old, then came back to her at age 6.

“The other family was not a right fit for him. I had thought that being in a two-parent family might be good for him, and at the time I had an older foster child living with me who didn’t mesh with Ryan,” she said. Her fostering situation had changed, though, by the time Ryan became available once more for adoption, and Ms Washburn knew she wanted him back with her.

Nor has being a single parent ever been a hindrance to fostering or adopting, said Ms Washburn. In fact, she wonders if it does not even make it easier to become certified, as the agency is working with only one personality who will be making decisions for the child in care. She continues to take in foster children, even since adopting, and presently 16-year-old Jocelyn and 2-year-old Dwayne live with Ms Washburn and her two children. It is a family decision, though, she said, before any foster children are brought into the family fold.

“My daughter has a heart as big as a mountain, though, when we take in a foster child. Both of them are usually very receptive to it,” Ms Washburn said.

Ms Washburn has seen changes for the better in the foster/adoption process since she first began taking in foster children 16 years ago, she said. With new laws that allow parents only 18 months to terminate rights, rather than an indefinite timeline, children have a better chance of being adopted, she said. The other improvement in recent years, said Ms Washburn, is the assisted living program for children when they reach 18 years of age that is supported by DCF.

“Now, as long as they stay in school and have a job, they can get help from DCF to pay for rent and the costs of living, and get help if they want to go on to college,” she said. “They also did not have ‘safe homes’ when I started with foster care, and these really help when everyone has a better idea of what they are getting into,” said Ms Washburn. A safe home is a 45-day temporary shelter that allows DCF to match up a child with a foster home, rather than the foster parent receiving a child directly from an unknown home situation. “There have definitely been improvements over the years,” she said.

Challenges

There are challenges that come with taking a foster child into the home, particularly if behavioral problems exist, but she urged every person who has ever considered it, to become a part of the foster experience. “Don’t let the little things hold you back,” said Ms Washburn. “Yes, it hurts when a foster child goes back home, but you know they are going back with a piece of what you have given them. If you have it in your heart, you should just do it. When you see the positive differences between when a child comes into your home and when they leave, that’s the greatest joy of being a foster parent.”

For Newtown foster and adoptive parents Julie and Christoph Weigel, that fear of losing the two girls that they fostered with the hopes of adopting them was the most difficult part of the whole foster experience. “Reunification [with the biological parents] is always the goal of foster care,” said Ms Weigel, “but we hoped that our girls would become available for adoption.”

Deciding to foster a child, and to adopt, was a family decision for herself, her husband, and their daughter, Celina, said Ms Weigel. “I was happy about it, and I was praying I would get sisters,” said Celina, who is 11 years old.

Having heard how children can go from one bad situation to another without loving foster care, the Weigels decided to go through the nine-week training course offered by DCF to potential foster and adoptive families. “We thought if we could take in one child, we could make a difference. In Connecticut there are thousands of children who are longing for a mother and father, for love and security,” said Ms Weigel.

Katja, now 7 years old, came to their home as an eight-month-old baby in 2002. In 2003, her biological sister, Emma, who is now 5 years old, arrived at the Weigel household as a newborn infant. “We were so fortunate that our first two — and so far, only — foster children became available,” said Ms Weigel.

“I encourage anyone who is considering it to go forward with fostering or adopting a child here in Connecticut,” she said. “DCF was extremely helpful and supportive once we started the process. They make it very easy.”

All of the adoption fees for Katja and Emma were covered by DCF, said Ms Weigel, making her wonder why more people do not adopt domestically.

“When you reach out and make a child’s life better, your life is blessed. Children have so much potential to blossom into a wonderful human being who will make the world a better place,” she said.

For information about becoming a foster family or information about adopting, visit fosteradoptivemission.org or call 888-KIDHERO.