Jack DeFlumeri Named Honorary Chairman Of 2005 Relay For Life

By Kaaren Valenta

Five years ago Jack DeFlumeri was the picture of good health.

“I was 6-foot-5, 235 pounds with a 35-inch waist, and my doctor said he’d never seen a 52-year-old man in such good shape. He said I had the body of a 35-year-old,” Mr DeFlumari recalled.

The owner of a book distributing business in New York City, Jack DeFlumari worked hard. He made the trip into the city daily, leaving his house in Newtown at 3 or 4 am and often working 17-hour days.

His world turned upside down at Christmas in 1999, however, when he developed a sinus infection just a few weeks after his physical exam.

“It was so severe that I couldn’t even move my head,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “I went to Primary Care in Danbury the day after Christmas.”

It was not the sinus infection that worried the doctor there.

“He said I had a lump in my throat and wondered if I had ever noticed it before,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “He strongly recommended that I get it checked out.”

A few days later Jack DeFlumeri underwent a CT scan, then a biopsy.

“A week later the doctor called me five or six times before he finally got me from the warehouse and told me that I had to see him tomorrow. I said I was jammed up until Friday and couldn’t it wait? He said ‘You have cancer. You have to come in immediately.’”

 “Cancer had never entered my mind,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “I had never smoked in my life. I didn’t know anything about cancer. I didn’t even know that there were different types of cancer. I thought it was all the same.”

Without telling his wife anything, Jack DeFlumeri underwent more tests, x-rays, and MRIs.

“The person who read the MRI called and told me on a Tuesday night that it didn’t look good, and they were sorry,” he said. “I sat on the floor of my office and cried my eyes out for 45 minutes.”

Then he gathered himself together, went home and told his wife, Jacqulyn.

“She was extremely strong and supportive,” he said. “She never wavered for a minute. I called my two older sisters in California and the next day, after taking our kids to school, we called Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York.”

Gathering up all the records of the tests that had been done in Danbury, the couple went to New York where doctors made no promises.

“They said ‘We don’t know if we can help you. We will do a biopsy and then tell you what we think,’” Mr DeFlumeri said. “You know that whatever they say will change your life.”

Four days after the biopsy, the couple drove back to Sloan Kettering in a snowstorm to get the results.

“My doctor and two others came in with the results and said, ‘You have stage four cancer but we think we can help you,’” Mr DeFlumeri said. “They told me that what will make the difference is that I was in extremely good shape because I was going to be beat up pretty badly by the treatment.”

He delayed a week to celebrate the eighth birthday of his middle daughter, Hannah, then underwent seven hours of surgery on February 22, 2000. The surgery to remove the cancerous tumors in his neck required an incision that stretched from his ear to his chest.

“Two tumors were removed along with 35 lymph nodes, but only three of them were infected,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “The guy in the room next to me in the hospital was getting radiation and he was in agony. I thought that at least I didn’t have to go through that, but two days later the doctor came in and said, ‘Everything is great. We will start radiation in four weeks.’ Then they told me to go home and put on as much weight as possible.”

Radiation meant a trip to Manhattan once a day for five weeks. The final week he underwent radiation twice a day. During each treatment he was bolted to the table, wearing a mask molded exactly to fit his head, so that his head would not move even a fraction of an inch; his legs and arms also were tied down.

“The whole treatment only takes a few minutes,” he said. “But after three weeks I couldn’t swallow or eat. I didn’t take a feeding tube so my weight dropped to 155 pounds. The first thing I was able to eat was a bowl of Cheerios that had been soaked in warm milk for 45 minutes. I thought I was [television chef] Emeril Lagasse.”

What sustained him through the treatment was the support of his family, friends, and even people who were almost strangers.

“They drove me to the treatments after I couldn’t drive myself anymore, brought meals to our house every day, twice a day; took my kids to their activities and to stay overnight — I can’t imagine what we would have done without their support,” he said.

He had barely finished the radiation when he received another stunning blow — doctors discovered he had prostate cancer. He underwent surgery in November 2000.

“It was localized and I had no bad effects from it,” he said.

Then, when he noticed a bulge in his stomach in March 2001, he expected the worse. It turned out to be good news, under the circumstances. It was only a hernia, easily repairable with surgery.

The radiation left him with some problems, however, including an extremely dry mouth — radiation burned out the salivary glands — and a voice that in the past year has become weaker. When tests in January showed something was amiss, surgery was immediately scheduled.

“I went in for one-day surgery on February 1 and the surgeon cut out two growths,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “They were benign. But it was very difficult to deal with. Just the reality that sometimes you have to go back — that it might not be over. Your mind plays games with you.

“Five operations in five years takes a toll on you,” he admitted. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have down days.”

But just as so many people have helped him, Jack DeFlumeri wants to help others.

“When I go back to the hospital every three months I try to talk to other patients, to show them that this is something they can get through,” he said. “I give out my phone number. I tell people that after the last day of treatment, each day will get better.

“A lot of good comes out of it, too,” Mr DeFlumeri said. “You realize that if someone didn’t go through this before, you would not be here now. All the money that has been raised to help fight cancer helped me.

“It takes a lot of money to defeat cancer,” he said. “That is what Relay For Life is all about. If we raised $175,000 last year, we can raise $225,000 this year and we will raise $3 million in ten years.”

To help spread the message, he agreed to be the honorary chairman for the second annual Relay For Life in Newtown, which will be held on June 11-12 on the track at the high school.

Jack DeFlumeri and his wife have a Relay For Life team named for their property, Red Star Acres, on Georges Hill Road where the family has a horse, Red Star, that was a wild rescued pony. Both of their older daughters, Sarah, 16, and Hannah, 13, also will have a team that will walk in the overnight event to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Emma, 7, a second grader at Hawley School, will be there, too.

This year’s Relay For Life co-chairmen are Guy and Lynda Russo, 426-2995; Dawn Escoda, 270-7541, and Ivette Gerics, 426-3589. Mr Russo and Jim Zarifis, whose family was last year’s honorary chairmen, are recruiting corporate sponsorships. Anyone who would like to help with the relay is welcome to contact the chairmen or to attend the planning meetings that are held the first Monday of each month at 7 pm in the middle school cafeteria.