Date: Fri 07-Jul-1995

Publication: Bee

Author: SUEZ

Quick Words:

commentary-burger-parent-child

Full Text:

COMMENTARY: A PARENT'S IMPULSE TO PROTECT (A14)

BY NANCY R. BURGER

As I drove past Newtown High School the other night, I looked into the empty

parking lot and remembered the flurry of activity I had seen a few weeks

before on graduation night - all of the proud and anxious parents, clad in

their Sunday best, heads held high, beaming as they marched towards the school

to witness the final chapter of their children's lives there. Their faces had

a ponderous glow about them as each recalled the challenges and the

accomplishments they saw through with their children, the wishes fulfilled and

the hopes dashed, the tribulations faced and the victories won, all in the

name of growing up.

I drove towards my destination, thinking about my own son's future and about

all of the milestones he would face and, hopefully, conquer. And then, as I

slowed down to make a turn, I barely caught a glimpse of three adolescent boys

as they flew past me on their ATB's, full of energy, excitement and, yes,

freedom. Seemingly impervious to the heat, they pedaled furiously and

fearlessly, the one in the lead darting quick and competitive glances back

toward the others. They possessed a freedom that only the summer can bring to

children that age, a time when there is no homework and no after-school

sports, when the late-setting sun makes the days luxuriously long and carefree

and when, somewhat magically, curfews become negotiable.

Then the claws of reality wrapped themselves around my mind, carrying it to

those scary depths that only a parent can know, of newly-licensed children

asking hopefully to borrow the car, of parties and of trips, of seemingly

innocent and wholesome activities that are the very definition of summer to

young adults but that, only too often, turn into tragedy.

Perhaps I'm a cynic (although I believe that such tendencies are a firm

requirement for parenthood), but the news of late seems to be laden with

disastrous stories of young deaths in automobiles, of friends at the wheel

that, though full of good intentions, are not fit to drive, and of photographs

depicting mourning classmates surrounding a horribly premature grave.

On this particular muggy afternoon, it made me want to stop the car and call

out to those adolescent boys, ½Be careful. Be careful. There are so many more

summers ahead of you.¾ But they were gone long before I could finish my

thought. They were off to one of their homes for a cool drink, or to the pool

or the basketball court. So I drove on, distracted by my wish that they arrive

wherever they might go safely, that they would value their own safety as much

as we all did, and that they would, perhaps, be just a little bit fearful .

Summer is a wonderful time. It's a time for families, friends and vacations

and for some of our best memories to be made. We all have our own childhood

stories of trips and adventures and mischief, most of which were great

character-building experiences which turned out fine. And, of course,

adventures and mischief should and, no doubt, will continue. We should all be

children in that respect, and we should continue to experience and grow as

much as we can. But we must also know the difference between living life wit

gusto and endangering ourselves, and this is the example we must set for our

children. Because, only then, will they truly learn to be responsible for

themselves and for others.

Summer parties with friends are great, but drinking and driving is simply not

an option - under any circumstance or on any level. We should encourage our

children to call home for a ride if they are the least bit uncertain about

driving themselves or about taking a ride from a friend. Otherwise, they

should simply stay put . Any responsible host would certainly be understanding

and accommodating in such a situation. Of course it's better not to drink too

much, but instilling fear in our children about this could encourage them to

make bad choices when it comes time to go home.

As a parent, there is nothing more painful than the thought of harm coming to

my child. And, although I want desperately to protect him from all possible

evils, I know that the only way he can grow is through experience and,

unfortunately, through mistakes. The best I can do is to make him aware of

ways to avoid the big mistakes, the dangerous mistakes, by setting rules, by

gaining his respect and trust, and by making sure he knows just how much he is

loved.

When I finally arrived at by babysitter's, I found myself rushing inside,

anxious to see my son's rosy face and wide, gummy smile and to receive that

first, enthusiastic hug. When it came, I returned it just as enthusiastically,

relieved that, at least for now, I could protect him.

Have a safe and wonderful summer.

(Nancy R. Burger lives on Walnut Tree Hill Road.)