Date: Fri 15-Sep-1995

Publication: Bee

Author: ANDREA

Quick Words:

town-clerk-Curtis-humor-book

Full Text:

The Town Clerk's Little Green Book

B Y A NDREA Z IMMERMANN

Have you ever wondered when squirrel season would be over? Or where to buy

double-pointed knitting needles? How big the flagpole flag was? If there is a

chinchilla farm in Newtown? Or if 1-800-999-1990 was a number in the US?

Well, the women at the town clerk's office have pondered these and many other

questions like them because people ask . The humorous and the absurd are

discretely and unofficially recorded in The Little Green Book that was

established by Town Clerk Cynthia Curtis when she took the position eight

years ago.

"It makes it interesting to look back and get a little chuckle," said Ms

Curtis. Historically, people have assumed the office is a general information

bureau, she added. But the unusual questions keep them on their toes - "keeps

the creative juices flowing."

The first entry was dated February 11, 1988; the caller wanted to know how to

go about renting Lovell's Garage. Soon after, someone called to get a run down

of the movie playing at the Edmond Town Hall theater.

Some people believe the Town Clerk's Office is keeper of all records. In May

of 1990, a woman called and said her father had died a few years ago and she

wanted to know how much money he had in the bank. Three months later a man

called who wanted to register with the state as a bounty hunter, and another

phoned to obtain a license to dive for lobsters.

Each of the women in the office is so warm-hearted, that a few residents

mistake them for their mothers: "August, 1990, a woman came in to let us know

she will be in Germany for 14 days in case anything happens ."

Someone called to ask who the best people were running in the election, and

who the staff thought he should vote for. An elderly gentleman asked for a

stamp to mail a letter. A woman phoned to let the town clerk know she was

"closing" her alarm system, another that she had a big turtle in her yard -

what should she do? Someone else had lost his Social Security card, and

another couldn't find any tennis courts after having lived here for six years.

"December 9, 1992: A woman called to ask what she should do with her

Campbell's Chicken with Rice Soup (there was a recall in the news

yesterday)... July 15, 1993: A woman called to ask if it rained in Newtown

last night. She lived in Guilford and her daughter lives here in Newtown. If

it didn't rain she had to come down and water the gardens because her daughter

was on vacation... September, 3, 1993: A man called to ask us if we could give

a ride to his girlfriend who is at Fairfield Hills Hospital 'detox.'"

Then there are those who call with practical, albeit unusual requests.

"September, 1993: Woman called and wanted to know if we knew of anyone who

could find water with a stick... May, 1994: This man said his house is

haunted. Asked if anyone died in the home. Asked for the ghostbusters in

Monroe... February, 1994, A woman called and asked what kind of lights are

used on the Christmas tree in the Ram Pasture... July, 1994: A woman called

and asked how much it costs to park at the train station, here." And people

have asked if there are chinchilla and rabbit farms in Newtown.

Ms Curtis has lived in town all of her life, and most of the other women in

the office have been here many years. "So we can remember people who might

know who still raises rabbits," said the town clerk. And their investigation

has begun. All staff members try their best to answer the calls, but sometimes

have to refer people to other sources, such as The Bee , said Ms Curtis.

The clerk's office also seems to serve as a mini-board of tourism. People have

called to find out where bingo will be held during their upcoming visit to

Newtown, if there is a horse tour of Newtown, how many antique shops there

are, where to have a good lunch, do they still hold exercise classes in the

Dodgingtown Town Hall, does the Yankee Drover still serve good lobster

(3/22/91), and would they please give directions to The Gold Mine in town.

But then there are the calls that are just don't make much sense. In the fall

of 1992, someone called to find out if "we are taking applications for a new

jail." Another person said, "I was told to call you about having my dog

wormed." In March someone phoned to say they had "read in the paper that we

are changing our town hall into a museum."

"It's always different," Ms Curtis laughed. "When I speak to school kids about

my job, I try to inject a little humor by giving them examples of some of

these questions. And it just goes to show that this work is not serious

business all the time."

One of the official responsibilities of the town clerk's office is to process

marriage license applications. And that has provided a host of amusing entries

in the book. "July 1988: A man called for us to look up marriage licenses to

see if the girl he is dating is married... April, 1988: Couple called for a

new marriage license - dog ate old one... April, 1989: Question about what we

know about divorces and how to get one... January, 1989: Wants marriage

annulled by us... April, 1990: Bride called and wanted us to FAX her marriage

license to her so she could get married Saturday."

One couple came in for a marriage license in May of 1990. The girl asked upon

leaving, "Does this mean we are now legally married after signing this?" And a

woman was adamant that, although married in 1984, she had never filed an

application for a license (she did).

"My favorite story of all took place quite awhile ago. A couple from

Bridgeport came to get their marriage license, and there was a little girl

with them who was just beaming ," said Ms Curtis. When the clerk mentioned to

the youngster that all this was very exciting, she piped up and said, "That's

my mommy and daddy." It was the third time they had gotten married to each

other.

She Doesn't Have All The Answers-

The Town Clerk's

Little Green Book