Talking To Children

About War

With news about continued attacks on American soldiers in Iraq, the war on terrorism, and other concerns, children and their families may feel uncertain about the future, robbed of a basic sense of safety and security. The National Center for Children Exposed to Violence, a New Haven-based resource and activism center for children and their families, recently released a parents’ guide for talking to their children about war.

The center stresses that children of different ages and levels of exposure to war require different approaches in addressing the subject. It is generally not helpful to “force the issue” if it does not appear to have an impact on the child.

Children whose parents may be involved in the military, however, or those who have experienced personal loss or trauma, may be especially vulnerable reacting to the impact of certain world events. Children may communicate their upset feelings through irritability or difficulty in being calmed or soothed, tearfulness, sadness, discussion of scary ideas and feelings, anger directed towards specific ethnic groups, fighting with peers, changes in sleep patterns or nightmares, refusal to go to school, wanting to stay close to their parents, and even revealing physical complaints, such as stomach upset or headaches.

For some children, talking about their concerns openly with trusted adults is helpful, allowing them to feel less isolated and alone. Giving them time to ask questions can be very helpful. For other children, however, talking may be difficulty. Recognizing the wide gamut of emotional reactions to different situations can be the most important factor in helping a child cope with potentially traumatic experience.

It is generally advised that parents limit the amount of war coverage and other graphic images their children view on television. If an older child is interested in watching news about the war, watch with them so has been seen and heard can be discussed; do not assume to know what a child is thinking or feeling. Create a safe and comfortable environment for them to talk about their emotions. Remain physically and emotionally open, controlling tone, eye contact, and other areas of body language.

It is important that routine and structure are maintained in children’s lives and that they continue to enjoy life with their family and friends. Parents should respond honestly to questions children pose about the war. Encourage them to remain informed about the facts and continuing coverage of the war. For further information, contact the National Center for Children Exposed to Violence at 877-496-2238 or visit www.nccev.org.