Date: Fri 26-Jun-1998

Publication: Bee

Author: SUZANN

Quick Words:

DCF-foster-families

Full Text:

DCF Sees A Need For More Area Foster Families

BY SUZANNA NYBERG

Connecticut's Department of Children and Families [DCF] is seeking foster

parents for the Region 5 area, an area that the encompasses the eastern side

of Newtown. Region 5 has a relatively small number of foster parents, and

state social worker Laura Duffy would like to see more Newtown residents

volunteer.

"The need becomes apparent when we have to remove kids from their homes

because they are at risk for abuse or neglect," she said. "We try as much as

possible to place them in proximity to their birth homes."

Children are placed close to their birth homes to maintain relationships with

their biological parents. The goal of fostering is not adoption, but instead

the reunion of a child with his biological parents after remedial steps have

been taken. Foster parents play a crucial role in caring for the child until

the family situation can be corrected to the point where the child is no

longer felt to be at risk.

Two Newtown families have been working with Mrs Duffy to provide both the care

and affection these children need. Foster parents Holly and Richard Gottmeier

and Bill and Kathy Kuban advise prospective parents to keep an open mind and

not rush to judgment on what they see or hear.

Mrs Gottmeier has been a foster mother for 14 years. She and her husband have

cared for more than 40 infants, some plagued by their mothers' drug and

alcohol addictions. "I love children," she said. "After having five of my own,

I decided to take care of others." Many of the infants who come to Mrs

Gottmeier's care can neither sit nor crawl nor walk; with the help of a

physical therapist and the nurturing environment Mrs Gottmeier provides, they

get up for the first time on their own.

Just as Mrs Gottmeier helps infants take their first steps, Kathy and Bill

Kuban help small children learn to count, recite nursery rhymes, and even

play.

"Many of these children know only television," Mrs Kuban said. "Sometimes,

having only themselves to be with, they don't know how to play, and they don't

know how to have fun with toys."

Mrs Kuban remembers one child who never heard rhymes and could not name

colors. As a foster parent for the past year, she and her husband strive to

give children structure, a daily routine that the children can, in turn, teach

their biological parents. They also teach the importance of hygiene, daily

teeth brushing and clothes changing.

Love And Support

Both the Kubans and Gottmeiers emphasize that children coming into foster

homes do have problems and require extra love and support. Babies suffering

addiction withdrawal may be hyper or jittery and need medical treatment.

Children who have been abused may flinch or pull back from physical contact.

Regardless of the difficulties, these foster parents see the children as their

own.

"I treat the child as if he were mine," Mrs Gottmeier said. "As long as he is

with me, he is part of my family."

The Kubans echoed those sentiments. "If my kids aren't invited, then I'm not

invited," Mr Kuban said.

Being a foster parent and having such strong feelings for the children in

one's care is not easy, especially when it comes time to say goodbye.

Mrs Gottmeier had one case when a boy lived with her from the time he was

three days old to his adoption two years later. "Letting go was a learning

experience," she said. "I had taken this boy for his first haircut. It was

like losing a child."

Mrs Duffy expects strong bonds to form between foster parents and their

children. "They should get attached," she said. "Yet it is important that they

also be able to let go." She recalls one mother saying that when one child

leaves she always recognizes that another child out there needs her.

Approximately 4,500 Connecticut children are in foster care.

Children who need fostering are at risk for abuse, neglect, or abandonment.

DCF will remove a child from a home if the child's body bears marks, if there

is domestic violence in the home, alcohol or drug addictions, short tempers,

or financial crises. Mrs Duffy suspects that due to increased media attention

people step forward more readily to report abuse or neglect. "They will call

in," she said. "They are aware of the need to protect children by using our

800 number."

Children who need foster parents may be newborn or 18 years of age. Many of

them, having suffered physical or emotional abuse, have special needs and

require extra support, even medical treatment. There is no average length of

time a child stays in foster care; it may range from days to months, even

years.

Forging A Relationship

A foster parent is a surrogate parent and an educator, someone who, like the

Gottmeiers and Kubans, has the time available to forge a relationship with a

child. "We don't want someone to take a child and then be unavailable," Mrs

Duffy said. The parent does not have to be well off, but he does have to have

a stable source of income and be able to provide for himself.

"Fostering cannot be a way to earn income," Mrs Duffy said. Each child must

have her own twin bed in a bedroom that opens into a common area such as a

hallway. Noting that children, too, need privacy, Mrs Duffy said that other

family members should not have to pass through the child's room to get to

another room. Children under five must sleep on the same level as an adult

member of the household.

"Children removed from their birth parents' homes often have nightmares," Mrs

Duffy said. "They need reassurance." Also, there cannot be more than six

children in a household for then the responsibility becomes too great.

Upon completion of an 18-hour training program, foster parents receive a

two-year fostering license, Mrs Duffy said. They also sign a discipline

agreement prohibiting cruel interventions when correcting a child.

All sorts of people can be foster parents, single women, single men, married

couples, those who work second or third shifts, those who live in apartments

and those who live in homes, those who will need licensed day care and those

who will not. The essential characteristic is compassion. "This must be a

caring, giving person who has a special spot in their heart for children," Mrs

Duffy said.

Prospective foster parents may attend an open house on July 14 at the

Department of Children and Families, 131 West Street, Danbury. For more

information call 203/759-7014.