Date: Fri 11-Jul-1997

Publication: Bee

Author: DOTTIE

Quick Words:

schools-teasing-bullying

Full Text:

Joking, Teasing And Bullying:

Teachers Find Ways To Handle It

Linda Piccuillo is a fifth grade teacher at St Margaret's-McTernan who hopes

to help curb teasing in the classroom.

-Bee Photo, Evans

B Y D OROTHY E VANS

Beginning this fall, Linda Piccuillo, a Newtown resident and fifth grade

teacher at St Margaret's-McTernan School is going to be asking her students to

think twice before they make a classmate the butt of an "innocent joke."

What are you saying, and how are you saying it?

That's what Mrs "Pic" (as she is affectionately known in the St Margaret's

school community) will want her students to think about.

"We hope to educate each other on what the boundaries are," concerning joking

and teasing, she said, describing an awareness-raising process that she

learned at Wellesley College three weeks ago and plans to follow during home

rooms and class meetings this coming September.

"We'll start right away," during what she called "the honeymoon period" when

everyone is still "trying to be good."

Better to deal with these issues early in the year, she said, before the

Halloween parties start.

When the holidays come, life is more stressful. By December, children have

already formed their special groups of friends.

And birthday party guest lists are always potential problems.

"We tell them, no invitations in school unless everyone is invited. So they

mail their invitations from home but end up telling everyone at school just

exactly who is, and who isn't, on the list," she said half-jokingly.

Inevitably, some child is left out and feelings are hurt.

Teasing Peaks In Fifth Grade

Mrs Piccuillo has been concerned about the many forms of teasing and bullying

she's observed over a number of years, having been an elementary teacher since

1972.

She and her husband, Ron Piccuillo, who is an engineer and a member of the

Governor's Second Company Horse Guard, a ceremonial cavalry unit that is

posted at Fairfield Hills, have lived in Newtown since 1990.

Mrs Piccuillo has been at St Margaret's-McTernan, an independent,

co-educational school in Waterbury, since 1980.

During that time she has taught in grades one, three and five. Over the years,

she's seen her share of innocent teasing, as well as the occasional bullying

it can lead to.

It is a behavior which seems to reach its peak in the fifth grade, then tapers

off by high school.

"It's a whole new part of their lives. A very sensitive time. They need to be

taught how to tease and how to take the teasing," she said.

At age 10, Mrs Piccuillo explained, boys are often quite physical about their

teasing. But the girls are more likely to use verbal abuse and even shunning

behavior.

"They're looking for a close friend, but at the same time, they will exclude

others in the process. Mostly, the students want the power to make things

right. They don't like the constant bickering," she said.

To learn creative ways to nip the problem in the bud, Mrs Piccuillo elected to

attend a Wellesley College Center for Women's Studies workshop that was held

June 25 on the school's campus outside Boston, Mass.

"I knew it would be a valuable experience," she said, recalling a day during a

faculty meeting this spring when she and her fellow teachers heard about it

from the director of the middle school at St Margaret's-McTernan.

As a result, not long after school was out, Mrs Piccuillo found herself

attending the Wellesley workshops, sitting around a conference table with 40

other teachers who were equally concerned.

Good Tease Or Bad Tease?

"When we all sat down, there wasn't an empty seat available. We were all into

the topic," Mrs Piccuillo recalled.

They heard from workshop presenters about ways of empowering the students to

speak up if their classmates' teasing became a problem.

They were told to have discussions with the students in class meetings or

other small group situations, about what it feels like to be teased... perhaps

beginning with certain phrases like "It really annoys me when...," or "It

bothers me if you say that..."

"We realized that students would have to learn to be observers, try to

distinguish between what is good teasing and what is bad teasing. It's a

mature concept and we need to talk about it," she added.

For example, in most healthy give-and-take relationships, nobody minds a

little good-natured teasing, especially when the person who delivers the tease

(the "teasor") is reaching out in a positive way to another person who is a

good friend (the "teasee").

For example, a remark upon a friend's idiosyncratic wardrobe choice might

serve to make everyone in the room chuckle and lighten the general mood.

"Wow, you've really maxxed out on pink today. But I must say, it looks great

on you."

But consider the following remark, less flattering and more likely to make the

recipient feel uncomfortable.

"Whoa! You look like a giant wad of cotton candy."

Teasing can quickly turn into taunting, especially in unsupervised situations,

Mrs Piccuillo said, like the locker room, lunch room, playground or school

bus.

"It's not only the words, it's the gestures that they sometimes use," she

said, such as rolling the eyes or using certain hand gestures or body

language.

St Margaret's-McTernan School spokesman Marcia Monagan, who has known Mrs

"Pic" for many years, said the workshop had proved a valuable experience for

her fellow staff member.

"She said it really helped her understand how to handle gestures and actions

as they relate to another child's degree of sensitivity," Ms Monagan said.

Teasing Hasn't Changed, But Teaching Has

In past generations, a teacher might have considered teasing a harmless

behavior normal to children at a young age, a behavior that they will

eventually grow out of, said workshop presenters.

Today, however, lessons about teasing and bullying are part of character

education and continuing efforts to change the climate in the schools.

One person who has studied ways to grapple with the problems of teasing and

bullying in the classroom is Nan Stein, a staff member of Wellesley College's

Centers for Research on Women.

Ms Stein helped develop a curriculum called "Bullyproof" which proved an

invaluable workshop tool for Mrs Piccuillo and her fellow workshop attendees.

"Bullying is not against the law the way sexual harassment is, but it is

probably just as impeding to receiving an education...

"If we're about teaching kids to participate in a democracy, it doesn't just

mean having student council elections. It's about what is the democratic way

to treat people," said Ms Stein in her 1996 study, which the workshop members

used as the textbook basis for their discussions.

Ms Stein began the project in 1992, working with seven teachers in three

schools as part of a joint National Education Association professional

project.

On The Sidelines

The teachers were also urged to notice what is happening on the sidelines,

when the teasing and bullying is going on.

How are they reacting? Do they join in? Do they try to deflect the barbs or

soften the blows with kinder words? Can they change the subject?

"Students don't always want to go to a teacher by themselves for help. They

might want to ask a friend to come along. Or they will talk to their parents

and get them involved," Mrs Piccuillo said.

"What can you do as a bystander when you see it happening to someone else?"

The Wellesley workshop gave some useful clues to ways of confronting the

problem with students, she said.

Mrs Piccuillo agreed that, today, teachers are more likely to step in to try

to stop or change the behavior, and students are more likely to come forth

with their concerns.

"Students and teachers alike are into problem-solving. Health teachers will

often have resource books we can turn to," she added.

Furthermore, children really don't want to see punishments handed out by

teachers.

"If a teacher tries to stop [the behavior] it might not work. The kids will

have more success. No one wants to be friendless," she said.

The best solution of all for dealing with teasing involves a positive scenario

during which the children, by themselves or with an adult, talk about the

problem, then figure out a way to put a stop to it by letting the offender

know how they feel.

They might say to each other, "We really have to talk to ______. She's getting

too pushy in gym."

Or, "Doesn't it bother you when ______ keeps teasing ______ about her new

haircut?"

Hopefully, a sense of fairness will prevail and the students will come to

their own conclusions on what to do.

But that can happen only if the climate for communication is right.

After attending the Wellesley workshop, teachers like Mrs Piccuillo are hoping

they have some new tools to help bring that communication about.