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BRIDES (special section) Mot Juste: Tips For Crafting The Perfect Toast

(with dropquote)

By Caron Golden

Copley News Service

OK best man, father of the bride, maid of honor, groom or assorted guests:

it's your turn to stand and raise a glass.

Make that toast something memorable -- but because it's a lovely sentiment,

not because as you stood you knocked over the glass of champagne, couldn't

come up with a string of words that made any sense and then improvised with

something that brought a wave of embarrassment over close friends and

relatives.

In this age of camcorders, this is not a good way to be remembered.

Weddings are usually highly prepared and organized events. The toast should be

given no less thought and attention, especially if you have been singled out

for the honor by the couple.

Below are some suggestions and resources to help make your 15 seconds of fame

bring a smile to the faces of the people celebrating this new marriage.

Preparing The Content

The Web site Wedding Circle (weddingcircle.com/fyi/speech/toastbk.htm) has a

great section on giving toasts.

One of the first things you are asked to consider is why you have been chosen

to speak at the wedding. Are you a close friend of the bride/groom? Are you a

wise person who can give sage advice? Are you a funny, outgoing kind of

person? Or is it simply you are an important figure in this wedding and are

expected to speak? Figuring this out can help in what you are going to say.

The site also offers examples people from around the world have sent in --

some are pretty corny, some trite, some downright tacky ("The vows have been

said, the cake has been cut, let's hope [bride's name], doesn't grow a big

butt."), but others are full of sentiment and good wishes ("May the most you

wish for be the least you receive. May the best times you've ever had be the

worst you'll ever see.")

Be sensitive in the story you tell. You want it to be personal and easily

relatable to everyone on the scene, but this is not an exercise in

humiliation.

Ask the bride and groom what is off limits and honor that. Bringing up past

romances is not a good idea. Recounting how the couple met is usually a good

one.

Lacking some kind of pithy finale? Pick up a copy of Diane Warner's Complete

Book of Wedding Toasts (Career Press). She has lots of sample toasts for

different members of the wedding party, for different ethnic groups and

appropriate for different days (weddings held on New Year's Day or Valentine's

Day, for example).

Once you have the speech and toast down, edit them. That old saw, "Brevity is

the soul of wit," is on the mark. Keep it short and make it interesting.

Read it aloud to hear how it sounds, if you are repeating words or if there is

anything awkward about it. Get another opinion or two, and revise if

necessary.

Then make the toast yours by reviewing it until you are comfortable reciting

it without having to read it from notes.

Delivering The Toast

Even if public speaking is not high on your skills list, you can shine for

that moment or so when the focus is on you. Just stand up carefully and

straight, pick a couple of faces toward the back of the room to project your

voice to and take your time in delivering the words.

If you are comfortable with what you have written, you won't have to keep

shuffling index cards or make long pauses. Instead, you will be relaxed,

inject a little emotion into the words and keep your audience's attention.

Here are some dos and don'ts:

Do project your voice so everyone can hear you.

Do pause occasionally so as not to rush the speech.

Don't gesture wildly with your hands. It is distracting and you might knock

something or someone over.

Don't play with your hair or shake the keys in your pocket.

Do smile and try to have a good time.

Toast Etiquette

Can anyone at the wedding make a toast? According to Bride's magazine, the

best man makes the first toast, to which the groom responds, thanking the best

man, his parents and new in-laws.

After that, the bride may want to make her own toast, followed by the couple's

parents and the guests.

The person giving the toast should stand, and the one(s) receiving it should

stay seated. The receiver should also not lift a glass at the toast. It's like

applauding for yourself.

And wait to sip, said Bride's , until the fanfare dies down.