Full Text:

The Killdeer And The Killjoys

(with cuts)

BY CURTISS CLARK

She's got Groucho's running legs, Garbo's flair for secrecy and flight, and,

unfortunately, Bill Clinton's real-estate savvy.

Using all the instincts that nature has given her, a female killdeer has laid

her beige and brown eggs in a natural incubator of heat-absorbing stones where

they are nearly invisible to the casual eyes of the world's egg hunters.

Unfortunately, this little stone nest is in a very public walkway close to the

center of town where its invisibility imposes more of a threat than

protection.

Though they have wings, killdeer prefer to conduct most of their business on

terra firma. While other birds are busy building nests out of harm's way in

tree limbs and porch eaves, killdeer pick a likely spot on the ground, park

their eggs there, and sit around waiting for the next generation to show up.

To this particular bird's dismay, several other bothersome beings have shown

up first, leading to repeated performances of an elaborate seduction in which

she first runs as close to the intruder as she dares in a comical rolling

gait, drawing attention to herself and away from her nest. If that fails, she

feigns injury in a fluttering stumble narrowly calculated to stay just one

pounce ahead of a predator all the way to some remote quarter far from her

precious eggs.

Among the intruders witnessing this frantic show of motherly devotion in the

past week were Craig and Michelle Sienkiewicz, who were taking their son,

Justin, for a stroll. Despite the killdeer's best efforts, the Sienkiewicz

family came very close to stepping on the well-camouflaged eggs. Seeing what

they had almost done, and fearing that someone else may not be as lucky to see

the eggs first, Michelle decided a public warning was in order.

After she returned home, Michelle fashioned a sign -- "Nesting Bird -- Please

Watch Your Step" -- and returned to the walkway to install it by the

vulnerable nest. A few marker flags were also arranged nearby.

So now the killdeer sits amidst a clutter of very visible warnings, chagrined

that her skill at deception, honed through eons of evolution, has been undone

in such a public manner.