New Groups Hopes To Bring Support To Caregivers

By Jan Howard

A newly organized support group offers help to area residents who have taken on the role of caregiver to a loved one. 

The Caregivers Support Group, which held its first meeting in April, meets on the second Wednesday of the month at 7 pm in the Danbury Senior Center on Main Street. Caregivers from all area towns are invited to attend. There is no fee to belong.

“Caregivers are not the type of people who run and get help,” said organizer Diana Jones, MS, a certified, licensed professional counselor.

However, Ms Jones noted, the need for a support group for caregivers is becoming ever greater. “A lot of people are not trained as caregivers, but we’re doing it,” she said. “Some are holding a job at the same time. It gets very complicated, and requires wearing many hats and having many skills. If they don’t get professional help, it will take a toll on their physical and emotional health. Studies are already showing that.”

 “These are not skills we’re born with,” she added.

Personal experience led Ms Jones to form the support group. “I took care of my mother for three years,” she said. “What I learned is that there is a big need for support for caregivers. I did not have that awareness until I took care of my mother who has Alzheimer’s disease. I felt I needed to use this awareness.”

She approached Danbury Senior Center Director Leo McIlrath regarding the need for the group, and he agreed to its formation.

“The support group can be re-enforcing,” Ms Jones said. “It can be a practical and positive experience and make you better able to support your own needs and get support from other people. We all need support.”

One of the things a support group can do is help caregivers learn how to obtain that support, she said. “They are all in the same situation. They can encourage each other, and they do. They can offer ideas on how to get their needs met in a more efficient and positive way.

“Caregivers go through a lot,” she said. “There is not an easy manual on how to do it. Finding resources to help is a huge problem.”

Another problem for caregivers, she noted, is being able to get a break for themselves if there is no one else to help with the patient. “The caregiver needs help or your own health is compromised.”

The stress of caregiving not only affects the caregiver and the patient but also affects other members of the family and friends, Ms Jones said. “When you’re dealing with a family, then add the care of someone with a chronic health problem, it affects the dynamics of the family. You need to develop a good supportive process.”

Members of the Caregivers Support Group will solve problems among themselves on any issue of concern to them, Ms Jones said. The group will be flexible –part supportive and part educational. In some cases, workshops will be offered or experts on legal, financial, or insurance issues will address the group.

Communication is the key when caring for someone, Ms Jones said. Though her relationship with her mother had not been close, she said, “It was very evident she couldn’t live alone. I felt a strong commitment to take care of her. After all, she raised me. But I was frightened of the consequences. I needed to find positive outlets in a strained relationship.

“I had to learn to neutralize my internal defensiveness,” she said. “Through working hard with her I realized I could do anything. We learned to put into words everything that happened that day. It brought us closer.”

As a result, Ms Jones said she and her mother have gained new respect for each other as adults and enjoy each other more than they did in the past.

“Many times conflicts can arise, and you can become overwhelmed with intense feelings,” she said. “I became much more appreciative of what she was feeling. I understood my mother’s terror that she wouldn’t see me again when she went to adult day care. I had to respect her feelings, such as fear.”

As senior citizens give up more and more control over physical processes, more emphasis should be placed on their mental and emotional processes, she said. “We are not taught how to do that,” she said.

The support group will help people feel more comfortable in interacting with someone with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia. “People need the interaction,” she said. “The bottom line is to work on putting things in words.

“The patient may find it hard to ask for help,” Ms Jones said. “The patient needs compassion in handling personal needs.”

Of her role with the support group, Ms Jones said, “I’m letting them know I’m there to help them support each other. If they get stuck on an issue, I share my own example. I’m still a caregiver, though not hands-on any more. Emotionally I’m very involved.”

In addition, she will work with each individual caregiver to find the best course of action in regard to individual problems and refer them to appropriate resources.

Ms Jones said she is impressed with the caregivers that have attended the group. “They are dynamic people. Doing too much goes with the turf.

“Caregivers have incredible responsibility in making decisions for a person. It’s not an easy thing. They need a place to get support,” she added.

The important thing is to be in a place where people know what you are going through, she said. “You can express what you are feeling without judgment. If they can resolve some of their problems, they will feel more in control of their lives.

“A support group can help bring up issues, embrace them, and find ways to work on them,” Ms Jones said.

For additional information about the Caregivers Support Group, Ms Jones may be reached at the Danbury Senior Center at 203/778-5888.