Bits & Pieces

By Kim J. Harmon

 

Are you ready for some football? Well, then, don’t turn on the big game this Sunday because I fear there won’t be much football going on in Houston. Two teams with exceptional defenses and dull, uninspiring offenses has me believing we may see the first scoreless tie in Super Bowl history.

Not really, of course.

Someone has to win.

And if you ask me (although I know you didn’t), the smart money (and even the dumb money) should be put on the New England Patriots because there is only one coach in the National Football League who is craftier and smarter than Bill Belichick and he works in Dallas.

The final score?

New England 10, Carolina 0.

How is that for dull?

If you ask me (and, again, I know you didn’t), the most exciting thing about the Super Bowl this year will be the commercials (at $2.35 million per 30-second spot, they had better be exciting). That may be a good enough reason to turn on the game right there.

Maybe.

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With everyone in a football frame of mind this weekend, here are some of my favorite football-related quotes –

“It’s like standing blindfolded in the middle of I-75, dodging the cards and trying to tackle the biggest truck out there.” – Gary Burley on Earl Campbell

“You go for something think is there and all of a sudden you don’t have anything.” – Edgar Chandler on O.J. Simpson

“When you hit him at the ankles, it was like getting an electric shock. If you hit him above the ankles, you were likely to get killed.” – Red Grange on Bronko Nagurski

“Franco Harris faked me out so bad one time that I got a 15-yard penalty for grabbing my own face mask.” – D.D. Lewis

“Earl (Campbell) may not be in a class by himself, but whatever class he’s in, it doesn’t take long to call the roll.” – Bum Phillips

“You’ve heard of people who zig or zag. Well Elroy (Crazy Legs Hirsch) also had a zog and a couple of zugs.” – Norm Van Brocklin

“Football isn’t a contact sport; it’s a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.” – Duffy Daugherty

“Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental.” – Doug Plank

“To me, football is a contest in embarrassments. The quarterback is out there to embarrss me in front of my friends, my teammates, my coach, my wife, and my three boys. The quarterback doesn’t leave me any choice. I’ve got to embarrass him instead.” – Alex Karras

“(Terry Bradshaw) is so dumb, he can’t spell cat if you spotted him the c and the a.” – Thomas Henderson

“Al Davis is the kind of guy who would steal your eyes and then try to convince you that you looked better without them.” – Sam Rutigliano.